A Little Bit More

When my kids were little, I remember coaxing them to walk. As they would start to take steps I would cheer them on, clap, and smile. I'd be bent over within grabbing distance and encourage them any way I could to keep them focused on continuing, not how difficult what they were doing felt. As they've gotten older I've maintained this behavior on a much more subtle note, but still pushing the positive outcomes that are sure to result from perseverance.

From a perspective of physical fitness, if you were to go to a gym and pay a trainer to help you achieve increased endurance, strength, and flexibility, you would do what they told you to do, not come up with your own plan and then be mad at them that you didn't get the results you sought. And as they encouraged you with their words, you would push through one more rep, one more second on that plank hold, or one more minute on the treadmill because you would see the exhilration on their face as you crossed a previously unsurpassed threshold. That look of supreme satifaction in your achievement would make the discomfort worth it.

So, if we can agree that this is what we do for others and what others can do for us, why on earth do we wimp out on what God calls us to do when we know He, above anyone else, is for us not against us?

It wasn't until I was reading today that I have begun to understand that the obedience that delights God is the obedience that comes from a place of love, not obligation or self-protection. And it was at that moment I realized that the joy of the Lord could be my strength. If I could just picture His face when I'm being asked to do the hard things, couldn't that be just enough to get me through it? Wouldn't that be Him cheering me on, encouraging me as I crawl to the finish line, never once leaving me to fend for myself, but being there the entire time reminding me how much He believes in me even when I don't believe in myself? Shouldn't that alone be enough motivation to pick up my cross and follow Him anywhere?

But more importantly, if all that's not enough, then what does that say? Why do I hold on to what I know isn't good, or healthy, or beneficial? Do I really prefer being miserable and unsatisfied more than giving up what I know will lead to freedom? How does that even make sense?

It would be great if we could say that we had no strongholds in our lives. But honestly, I don't think any of us can. Oh it might not seem like you have one, but if there is anything you would not want Jesus to ask you to lay down from this moment on until you walk into eternity, you've got one. I've got several. But with His help and His radiant smile, I'm going to push for one more rep, one more second, and one more minute because the look of joy on His face is more than enough strength for me.

Busy Busy Busy

Yesterday I finished The Look That Kills by Michelle Myers. The book is ultimately about surrendering to Jesus what we are clinging to more than Him. In Michelle's case it was her battle with anorexia and compulsive over-exercising disorder. Because I want to make sure that the message of the book is not lost when I put it on the shelf, I went through all of the things I underlined and wrote out some difficult questions that I need to answer for myself. 

Clearly if you know me you know I am not suffering from anorexia. But if you know my past, you know I have definitely dealt with (and to a degree still deal with) compulsive over-exercising. (Rest days do not happen as they should by any means.) Some of that has been a form of self-inflicted punishment because I have no desire to surrender my eating habits to Jesus and some of it is just because I have this desire to push myself physically beyond what is most likely healthy for me. I have no idea why, hence the tough questions.

But one quote in the book from her dad during the beginning of her recovery struck me hard. He said, "You try to run a marathon at a 5K pace without stopping to think about the terrain you will come across or what shoes you should wear which is why half of the time you end up sprinting in stilettos on quicksand." The questions I wrote that I need to answer are: How does your life reflect that statement? In what areas is it worst? What can you do to reverse engineer this mentality? 

And this morning I took this picture.

If I had to caption this, it would have something to do with getting busy for Jesus. This is the area of my life that I most try to run a marathon at a 5K pace. Why? Because I didn't own a Bible until late 2005, I didn't start really reading my Bible until the fall of 2006, and from that point on, minus a brief period where I did a lot of 'stuff' but not read my Bible, I have been trying to make up for the 20+ years I feel like I should have been reading my Bible but wasn't. 

This picture reflects a few key issues. First, I don't trust God with teaching me what He needs me to know when He needs me to know it. I am trying to work at breakneck speed and do a lot of things all at once. Second, when I get 'behind' on any one aspect of it, I get really ugly. Third, this does not include a few things I have as 'side gigs' that are listed on my to watch list.....aka the free video sessions of Beth Moore's newest Bible study Entrusted through LifeWay Women and anything else that shows up in my facebook newsfeed that looks good or that someone I follow recommends. 

The question then becomes how do I reverse engineer this mentality? How do I slow down to do things intentionally and let them really take root and not just go from one thing to the next? And the answer is I have no clue. I've been doing this for a long time.

What's funniest about this picture is that the reason the Ipod is on the table is because of the devotional app I read every morning. Today's devotional talked about prioritizing reading God's word first before we check our phones, facebook, or email. As soon as I read that and saw what I had spread out on the table, I remembered something I've heard many times over the years......if Satan can't make you bad, he'll make you busy.

About a week ago my husband who knows this dilemma of mine said that he thought I needed to prune some things. Honestly I ignored him. Kind of. I knew he was right but I didn't want to admit it, acknowledge it, or do anything about it. But the reality is, if I am doing a whole lot of stuff and not letting it sink in and develop that strong root system, I am doing nothing more than planting seeds on soil that will be picked over by birds or blown away in the wind. Neither of which is a good scenario.

As I sit here and think about how simply Jesus lived His life, it makes me wonder why I try to complicate mine. If the goal is to be Christ-like, I don't ever recall Him getting super busy with spiritual activity. So maybe instead of trying to decide what needs to go from the table and what needs to stay, I'll take a step back, read my Bible, and let Him tell me what He'd like me to do next. He's much better at deciding these things anyway.

Seek His Glory

God created us with the ability to enjoy what he created for our benefit, not so that we would be mastered by it. But more often than not, our thoughts are consumed by what our flesh wants in the moment, more than what we need to serve him for a lifetime. We desperately need him to move in our hearts and minds to make seeing him give us ultimate satisfaction. We must pray that our desires would match his plans. Our love of God should be placed on one side of the scale so that seeking his glory outweighs its opposition every single time, because:

God's glory will out weigh, out last, out perform, out stand, & out measure anything it comes against.

His glory will be seen when his victory over sin and death in our lives is visible.

He manifests his glory uniquely in what no longer consumes, destroys, 

kills, or robs us of our joy in him alone.

In The Cool Of The Day

Sometimes I feel like I go through life with my eyes only partially open. I miss a lot of things that should probably be pretty obvious. And to be honest, the only things that I have found to be helpful in putting the odds in my favor to be more aware of what is around me are prayer and intentionality. Because the truth is, unless we ask God to help us, and then purposefully submit our actions to what we've requested in prayer, chances are we'll continue to miss even more.

Today we were spending the day with family while exploring a local attraction. Prior to leaving home, we sat on the living room floor and prayed that we would be protected in our travels, that we would enjoy our time, and that we would see God in where we were going. And boy did he answer.

First, the traffic was horrid. But as only he can orchestrate, we all got there at roughly the same time. Second, despite awful traffic patterns and barely visible signs, we managed to arrive unscathed. I will say though that my heart definitely skipped a beat at a rather abrupt right turn. Third, we saw amazing talent from artists that can only be desribed as divine gifting. Fourth, we lived out what we are told to do in Deuteronomy 11:19 with each other.

See, the place we went to was filled with God's ability to create beauty by his breath as he spoke things into being and through the hands of those who created replicas of his impeccable design.  And as we explored, I turned to my better half and asked if he thought that this was the Garden of Eden looked like. A little later, I asked my 13 year old if he thought there would be a garden like this in heaven. Not shockingly he was slightly concerned about this concept because he was worried there might be allergies in heaven. When I told him that I was pretty certain that wasn't the case, you know with perfectly healthy resurrection bodies and all, he was more excited about God's garden. And finally, I mentioned it to my daughter, who bascially echoed her brother's concerns regarding hives.

One of the most intriguing things we saw were figures placed delicately in water. I mean, I have no clue what we will look like in heaven. But there is a part of me that is fascinated that we might be some kind of unique design we can't even comprehend at this point. And while I'm not sure that the artist who created the incredible figures we saw captured it, the work of his hands was certainly a catalyst of something to think about.

I pray that as you look at these pictures of both God's handiwork and 2 artists interpretations of it, that you will take a moment to ponder the majesty and artistry of what our heavenly Father created for us to enjoy. And then consider what it might be like to walk arm in arm with him in eternity in a garden like this.

  

When You Need It Most

Case Scenario 1: You have just shown up unannounced at your best friend's house to surprise her with coffee and doughnuts, to sit down and catch up. She appears to be less than thrilled that you are there, she reluctantly lets you in while looking at the clock frequently, and then her phone rings. She excuses herself from the room and comes back minutes later with puffy eyes and asks you through a whisper to leave. You wrap your arms around her, sqeeze gently, and let yourself out.

Case Scenario 2: You have dinner on the stove cooking when the phone rings. Someone is stuck at work for another hour because the entire computer system just failed. When the door opens two hours later, you are ready with open arms, start to reheat dinner, sit down in the chair across the table, and just wait patiently for the conversation to begin. 

Case Scenario 3: Your son who was fingerpainting at the table has mysteriously disappeared without you noticing. You have no idea how long he's been gone. Suddenly, you hear a delightful squeal from three rooms away. As you make your way down the hall, you see original artwork on the carpet, the walls, the cat, the doorway, and a second tiny human. And you, in a moment of extreme humanity after a sleepless night because of an awful cold, say something rather loudly and firmly only to see the furry creature scamper into a closet and two tiny humans well up with tears. You immediately excuse yourself to the bathroom and berate yourself for being an unfit mother.

So here's my question. Why can we extend others grace in their most desperate moments of need and refuse the same thing to ourselves? Why do we have expectations that we must live up to that we would never hold another human being accountable to? And why, if we would immediately jump to the defense of a loved one being verbally attacked, do we verbally attack ourselves, often without cause or provocation, when the slightest thing goes wrong?

As I just sat here typing this, for some reason I lost my internet connection. So realizing I would likely lose everything I had typed so far, I copied and pasted it into a document, shut down the laptop, and rebooted the system. As I suspected it would be, my draft was gone when I got back to blogger. But as I reinserted my words into a new post, the first verse that came to mind was that as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:12) And as I began typing what happened to share with you, the second verse that came to mind was that if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Ya know, most of us as believers don't set out on a daily course to ruin our testimony. We don't seek opportunities to make Jesus look bad despite our profession of faith. And the moment we acknowledge that we have fallen short of his glory, whether it was because we were caught off guard, tired, overwhelmed, or any other trap that our feet stumbled into, he is faithful to forgive. We don't need to condemn ourselves for what he has covered with his blood and removed to make us spotless. And any time we are victim to our weaknesses, we have the chance to offer thanksgiving in remembering that we will never be our old selves again, because once Christ has made us new, we continually get system upgrades and our operating systems don't stop accepting the new downloads.

God's grace is meant to be lavishly shared with everyone, including, and especially, ourselves. So if you've had a bad day, if you lost your temper and still need to apologize, if you snapped and didn't mean to, if you didn't say please and thank-you because manners went right out the door, realize that regardless of what you did or didn't do, God loves you beyond measure and nothing is ever going to change that.

When the Student is Ready

If someone had told me 6-9 months ago what I just found out today, I would have scoffed at their suggestion, probably been highly irritated, and most likely would have ignored them for the foreseeable future. Thankfully God was gracious enough to close the mouths of those around me because I kind of like a lot of people.

I finally finished the Rebekah Lyons series on Rhythms of Grace. The series is primarily on rest with a heavy dose of abiding in Jesus. Abiding is one of those churchy words that we know means to remain in Jesus, but I'm not sure how many of us could truly describe what that looks like in reality. She does a fantastic job of not only explaining it but helping you understand it is probably the best thing you can experience this side of heaven.

Anyway.

While it's easy to understand the concept of rest when things are good or slow or non-chaotic, she talked about what it's like to experience rest when 'all hell is breaking loose'. This of course intriqued me greatly. Not because my life is a series of unfortunate events by any means, but because of the struggles I have had particularly in regards to my feeling emotionally detatched in so many ways. So she essentially asked Jesus how she could know that he would come to her rescue immediately when something really awful were happening.

Now, she quoted Psalm 18 where David was crying out to the Lord and he rescued him. And she quoted Paul in Romans who tells us to call on the name of the Lord and we will be saved. But then she quoted Jesus is John 14 which I was totally not expecting. At all.

In John 14:26, Jesus tells the disciples, "But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you." My jaw hit the table.

I don't know how many times I've talked about my struggle with Scripture coating my wounds and not dealing with my feelings on this blog or at Bible study. But......

What if I really did hide God's word in my heart so that I would not sin against him?

What if his word really is good for teaching, correcting, and rebuking?

What if his word really does accomplish the purpose for which he sent it?

What if this was his reminding me what I knew so that I could ask for wisdom?

What if this was his way of reminding me to call out so he could tell me great and unsearchable things?

What if this was his way of saying that he would reveal some things to me and keep others secret?

And what if, every time one of those band-aids popped up, the Holy Spirit was reminding me of everything Jesus had taught me up to that point so that I could....take a step back, remove the plank from my own eye, pray about what had happened asking for a change in perspective, and Jesus was reminding me to abide in him, trusting that he had it all under control?

I knew that verse. I knew it. But never once, in a million years did it cross my mind as I have struggled through this. Why? Because God knew I wasn't ready for the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. He waited until he knew that I was so thirsty for him that I would recognize this as the tall drink of water I have desperately been seeking. And as I think of all that I have read in the last (almost) year since this started and I am completely amazed at the ground work he laid before today.

So what does this mean from this day forward? It means that when something happens and a Scripture comes to mind, I am not going to ignore my feelings, but pray through them with whatever lifeline Jesus just tossed my way. It means that I am not going to run from the hard things and try to bury them, but rather let him have his way in my heart so that no bitter root has a chance to grow up and defile many. It means that I am no longer going to let Satan get a foothold in my mind or heart by letting the sun set on my anger. And it means that I am going to embrace that I really do have the power that raised Jesus from the dead living in me and acknowledge that the exact same power is going to bring these dead bones back to abundant life. 

Look for the link to start Rebekah Lyons Rhythms of Grace study yourself on the blog sidebar.

Just The Way You Are

One of the things that never ceases to amaze me is how God can so orchestrate your circumstances to not only get your attention, but tell you something super important.

Earlier today, we decided that we were not going to the pool. Neither of our kids knew for certain if any of their friends would be there and they were both incredibly content with the activities that had chosen to participate in at home. #XBox #Youtube I was fine with this because I was also content with my chosen activities. #Reading #RhythmsOfGraceVideoStudy

But then......

2:00ish Son gets text that friend will be at pool
2:05 I go to library to pick up requested movie
2:45ish Son and I depart for pool, me with book in tote prepared to read

Now, my husband had an errand to run and my daughter wanted to stay at home, so God had me alone. That should have been my first clue. Because I had taken a 20 minute power nap earlier, I was completely alert to settle in to read for our time at the pool. That should have been  my second clue. The fact that I only listen to contemporary Christian music as a rule for my own sanity and that our pool has been playing songs I remember from when I was a kid, should have told me that something was definitely up.

When I first started reading The Look That Kills a couple of days ago, I read in the introduction, "I checked off my spiritual "to-do" list but refused to have a real relationship with God out of fear that I would eventually feel guilty......Guilt over my destructive behavior would only get in my way." After I read those words, I immediately began praying. There are many times that I feel like my emotional breakdown has been because I have refused to let God in to a lot of areas because I really don't want to have to surrender certain things. But knowing I have to was the reason I got this book. I was told that the book would be good for me because the entire message is about giving God control over what we don't want to hand over. (In my case the areas of rest, time stewardship, fitness, and food. Not necessarily in that order.)

So, my prayer has been simple. "Lord, I want to know what a REAL relationship with you looks like. I know it's more than just reading my Bible and going to Bible study and praying. I just don't know how it's supposed to look. I know what human relationships look like, so help me understand how that happens with you."

As I sat at the pool with my book open, pen and ruler in hand, I learned of Michelle's collision with God when she realized she needed help and that there was a song on the radio that became the cry of her heart. As the road to recovery began, she shared that as she read a verse that would combat a lie of the world, that she would write it in her own words in her journal. The first thing she wrote was, "I made her...she is different. She's unique. With love, I formed her in her mother's womb. I fashioned her with great joy. I remember with great pleasure the day I created her." (Psalm 139:13-16)

As soon as I finished reading those words, I became acutely aware of the song that was playing. It was Billy Joel's Just The Way You Are. I closed the book, I closed my eyes, and listened intently. To even think God would use a song I would have never heard if I weren't at the pool by myself with my own thoughts. And a song that I was familiar enough with but with the words now taking on a completely different meaning. A song that as a little girl I loved because of the thought of someone wanting me just the way I am. And not coincidentally the answer to my prayer.

While I'm sure you might remember the melody, I pray that you will let these lyrics speak volumes to both your heart and soul. The relationship God wants is the one he showed us in the garden....walking together, in the cool of the day, with open communication. I know I've certainly tried to overcomplicate it by thinking of all the things I needed to do. But these words remind me that his love is unconditional, because I was intentionally made, just the way I am.

Don't go changing to try and please me

You never let me down before

Don't imagine you're too familiar

And I don't see you anymore

I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble

We never could have come this far

I took the good times; I'll take the bad times

I'll take you just the way you are

Don't go trying some new fashion

Don't change the color of your hair

You always have my unspoken pasison

Although I might not seem to care

I don't want clever conversation

I never want to work that hard

I just want someone I can talk to 

I want you just the way you are

I need to know that you will always be

The same old someone that I knew

What will it take till you believe in me

The way that I believe in you?

I said I love you and that's forever

And this I promise from the heart

I could not love you any better

I love you just the way you are