Monday, April 30, 2018

Practically Speaking

From the time I was little my love language has been music. I couldn't have identified it as such, but I can see it looking back. Nothing can motivate (or demotivate) me faster than a song. Nothing.

Anyway, the other day I read Psalm 68. In the CSB, a portion of verse 6 reads He leads out prisoners to prosperity. Of course that sounds questionable until you look up the Hebrew word and find out that prosperity means freedom. Some of the other translations speak specifically about chains being broken and lives being productive. But what caught my eye was the note at the bottom of the CSB which says prisoners with joyous music.

Now, I am all for a good playlist. And I will be the first to admit that I can know what is true, but can still own that there is something in me that resists the truth. I think it has something to do with being a Type A control freak. You know, it's better for me to worry about it because then it's like I am handling it by fretting about it endlessly which in turn makes me a really pleasant persont to be around. (Please read with sarcasm that drips like too much syrup on a pancakes as it flows everywhere, including down your shirt.)

But I don't want to be like that. And if I am learning anything, it's that sometimes we are asked to take practical steps that force us to think about things differently. So, I did what any normal, music loving girl would do: I made a playlist. Even titled it Psalm 686.

Now, I am going to pretend that I am not the only one that deals with things that are hard to overcome. (FYI, I currently have a sticker chart going in my planner for a 21 day fast I am doing trying to break my sugar habit. Not that sugar is bad or that it can't be enjoyed in moderation, but I've always been of the mentality that if one tastes good, fifteen taste better.) 

So assuming you might want a playlist you can harmonize with God as He joyously sings you out to freedom, here it is:

1. Mended by Matthew West

2. Masterpiece by Danny Gokey

3. Shoulders by for King & Country

4. I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe

5. I Am Free by Newsboys (live Texas version)

6. Control by Tenth Avenue North

7. Come to the Table by Sidewalk Prophets

8. You're Worthy of My Praise by Jeremy Camp

9. Limitless by Colton Dixon

10. Glorious Day by Passion

11. Lay Me Down by Chris Tomlin

12. Breathe by Jonny Diaz


And here's an intersting thought......music is what helped Saul from going cray cray. Maybe we have a little bit of his tendencies in us and we need to see music as the gift it is. If the angels are constantly singing in God's presence, we know music is in heaven. And if things on earth are to be as they are in heaven, maybe it's time we start realizing God has given us a gift we have seriously undervalued.

 

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Weekly Recap April 23 thru April 27



Monday, April 23, 2018

Could it be that we are given rest and we don't realize it?



Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Just like the walls of Jericho, sometimes we come crumbling down, too.



Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Sometimes knowledge isn't power. Just ask the cat.



Thursday, April 26, 2018

Baby cried the day the circus came to town and then learned how to hide her feelings.
What a huge mistake.



Friday, April 27, 2018

What if change became a welcomed friend instead of a despised enemy?


Friday, April 27, 2018

Faithful Love

I had been holding off on picking up a new book to read because I am anxiously awaiting to see if I was selected to be part of another book launch. However, without a book in my hand, I feel the same way I do when I have that dream about going somewhere in public not fully clothed.

Anyway, I did decide to start reading something while I wait. And in light of the past week, I opted to start a book that's been awaiting my attention for a few months, Girl Meets Change by Kristen Strong.

While I am not far into the book at all, after reading the foreward, I realized I am already in trouble.

Change is something God uses to get our attention.
Myquillyn Smith

You can be assured I underlined those words.

Even if I look back on a short period of time, say a few months, I can see evidence of how God brought about unexpected circumstances that required me to change in order to get my attention. I can also look back and see evidence of circumstances God brought about in order to get me to change, and I didn't, and I am still dealing with the repercussions of my stubborn nature.

Right about now I am thankful that I just read this quote so close to 'the change' so that maybe this time I can take full advantage of finding what God is trying to show me.

Generally speaking, most changes are not horrible. The truth is they rub us the wrong way because we like predictability and stability. We find it easier to maintain the status quo than to start over. Not so coincidentally I was part of Leanna Tankersley's book launch for Begin Again last month. Funny how God has such a good sense of timing and sometimes (what I perceive as) a snarky sense of humor.

However, despite the unexpected, God remains the same. Always. Forever. Unchanging.

Not that this is the only time this appears in Scripture, or even the first time, today I read it in 1 Chronicles 16:41. Give thanks to the LORD for His faithful love endures forever.

That right there is why we can be okay with change. Even the change we don't want. Because behind it, no matter what we are tempted to think or believe in the moment, is faithful love.

As this week comes to an end (and all the people said AMEN), how about we use the weekend to think back about all the changes we've both welcomed and resisted. Whether we look back at the last few weeks, months, or decades, I'd be willing to bet we'll see that the motive behind each of them has been faithful love to bring about something we hadn't even considered and was undoubtedly better than our plan. And maybe if we can do that, we'll start to look at change a little differently and start welcoming it as an old friend instead of our greatest enemy.


Thursday, April 26, 2018

What a Relief

In early 2016 I saw a specialist for my legs. I had to have a test done to see if I had reflux in my veins. FYI, if a doctor who treats circulatory problems looks at your legs and says your veins are impressive, it is not a compliment. Both of my legs looked like they had snakes coiling up in them. But what is perhaps both a blessing and a curse is that they didn't hurt. Or at least I didn't think they did.

Once I had the first surgery done on the left leg which was worse than the right, I felt a huge difference. That was when I first understood something that had escaped me up until this point: it is possible to get so accustomed to pain that it becomes undetectable. And undetected pain will always remain untreated.

In Psalm 107:6 it says Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble; He rescued them from their distress. (CSB) The same sentiment is repeated in verses 13, 19, and 28 although the circumstances which caused the cry to go out vary.

And here's what I can't help but wonder: Just like I didn't recognize the pain in my legs, is it possible we are living with distress that we have become so used to that we no longer recognize it and therefore don't cry out in prayer to get relief from it?

If my current situation had happened two years ago, I can promise you that I would not be dealing with it, I would be 'sucking it up' and doing my best to ignore it. Moving beyond without accepting the reality that I wasn't exactly thrilled with the turn of events. Because God doesn't like honest prayers, right? Prayers that sound ungrateful but at their heart are a desperate plea for understanding that which can not be understood.

And here's the thing, if the Israelites who really botched things up by worshipping foreign gods could cry out from the circumstances they put themselves in and deserved, why on earth do we think we can't? Especially in the times when we didn't do anything to cause what we are currently enduring?

Even if we aren't promised a pain-free life, we do have the ability to receive pain-relief. How do I know? Because:

~He rescued them from their distress and led them by the right path to go where they could live
~He brought them out of darkness and gloom and broke their chains apart
~He sent His word and healed them rescuing them from the pit
~He stilled the storms to a whisper and hushed the waves

(v. 6,7; 14; 20; 29)

However, in order to receive the antidote to their pain, they had to acknowledge it first.

If I have learned anything it's that we aren't doing ourselves, or anyone else, any favors by pretending everything is awesome. As a matter of fact, if we aren't being real about what is hard for us (which by the way is unique to each person) then those we are called to bear witness to who see nothing but perfection are likely to think something is wrong with them when all their troubles don't disappear and all their varying emotions aren't uniform once they start following Jesus. And for the record, the last time I checked, Jesus was not emotionless. And He knew everything.

Now, as for my legs, they are better. And the road to recovery was not horrible. (Except those awful support hose which I can assure you will be a part of hell.) But the scars from the little stab wounds still exist. Twenty on each leg to be exact, which if I am not mistaken is the max amount allowed. However, each little wound when added to all the other little wounds, brought me relief I couldn't have imagined.

And that's how I see things now. What is uncomfortable currently, when added to the other things I don't like, is eventually going to create something better I can't even fathom. And the little scars will always serve as reminders of God's faithfulness in all things. It took a doctor looking shocked to realize that I was masking pain in denial. And though I don't have the letters MD after my name (be thankful for that, I failed A & P II in college), let's onsider this our prescription to look at what we might be ignoring. If God has pain relief ready to deliver He's just waiting for us to ask for, the first step will be finding where it is. And once we do that, we have four promises above to claim that He will deliver at just the right time.


Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Curious Cats

Curisoity killed the cat. This is probably one of the most disturbing sayings we use. Not only does it indicate the untimely and unexpected death of a cat, but it also implies that the death was preventable.

Several years ago my curisoity got the best of me. Despite reading very sound advice from Beth Moore in her book So Long Insecurity, I persisted with investigative skills and well-crafted questions until I felt I had all of the information I needed. The result? A part of me died. I had gone way too far and the consequences were devastating. Thankfully, Jesus is excellent at proving death is not the end and seven years later I can tell you without hesitation that new life is growing.

What's difficult about curiosity is that we honestly believe that knowledge is power. Granted in some instances it is. However, that is a man-made piece of advice, commonly attributed to Sir Francis Bacon. And while his last name might evoke confidence because how can anything bad come from bacon, man made advice is not the same as Biblical wisdom.

Which brings me to my current situation and maybe yours.

How do we draw the line between healthy curiosity that we believe is for our benefit when it might be detrimental to someone else?

My friend that I have mentioned with memory problems is now in a much better place. She can receive the care she needs and will be much safer than she was on her own. However, the transition to her new living sitution is taking a toll on me. I am so used to her presence and so accustomed to spending time with her that the dramatic shift in my schedule is throwing me completely off.

Now, I planned on visiting her within the next few days. I am borderline desperate to see with my own eyes that she is in good hands. (there might be a little bit of ego involved here) In reality, I know she is, but when it's someone you care a great deal about, I do believe there is value in the phrase seeing is believing.

But my plans have changed. Her adjustment is far worse than mine and she still believes she can come home. And so I have to accept the fact that seeing me, reminding her of the home she knew, really isn't in her best interest. And as much as it pains me, that's what loving someone well is really all about. Loving them in their best interest.

Thankfully I also have lessons learned the hard way to lean on. The curiosity I had all those years ago that ended up causing a lot of pain can be avoided this time. I can choose to wait until it's best for her before I see her upset and in turn make it worse for myself. Not something I love to admit or want to accept but doesn't change the facts.

What's beautiful about this is the reminder of a promise. God promises to bring beauty from our ashes. And while the circumstances couldn't be more different, the lesson learned is bringing forth fruit all these years later in a most unexpected way. The reminder is that we can trust God to reveal what we need to know, when we need to know it. We'll not only save ourselves heartache but also allow Him to grow our faith and confidence in His ability to manage things much better than we ever could.

Wherever we are, whatever situation we find ourselves in the middle of, we can choose to believe that God has it all under control. And if we allow Him to lead us through it, not only will we come out on the other side of it, but we might gain a truer understanding of why it's so much better to have Him in the driver's seat. And for those of us old enough to understand this reference, it's probably best if we are in the rear facing seat of an old station wagon, lest we get tempted to try to offer alternate routes or shortcuts.


Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Falling Apart

In 1986 Chess, the musical, was released. On the soundtrack for the production is a song titled I Know Him So Well. In 1987 Whitney Houston (God rest her soul) recorded the song with her mom. My 12 year old self listened to the song a lot. Can you say tween drama?

Anyway, my baby girl has a new found borderline obsession with all musicals. She knew about this song only because I mentioned it last year when she was trying to find a talent show duet to sing with her friend and this one came to my mind. She listened to it a few minutes ago.

With time, maturity, and experience, we can hear very familiar words and have them come across in a completely different manner. It happens when we read Scripture and apparently it can happen with song lyrics as well.

Towards the end of the song are these words:

Didn't I know how it would go?
If I knew from the start, why am I falling apart?

Such wise questions.

Granted these words are hurting my heart right now because something I knew was inevitable happened recently. And while it is for the best, that doesn't make it hurt less.

However, I also see this from another perspective.

From Genesis to Revelation we see the redemptive love story God is weaving through all of our lives. That makes the questions entirely different. I do know how the story goes and so I have to wonder and ask myself why I am falling apart.

The truth is, even when we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God works all things out for our good and His glory, that doesn't necessarily make them easier to endure. Our hearts will still break for what we wish in the pit of our stomach was different but have no power to control or change.

So, whatever it is we are facing right now that we didn't ask for and that we would practically remove our right arms to be different, we can rely on the truth that Jesus understands. Before He went to the cross He did ask if it was possible to have the cup, the cup of redemption, pass by Him. 

Ultimately that was not the plan and so He endured the cross for the joy set before Him instead. The joy of knowing what it would get Him in the end.....us.

Last week at Bible study we read the words where Jesus asks us to take up our cross to follow Him. It occurred to me that the crosses we bear can lead us directly to a path that includes great suffering. And Jesus is leading us all the way there. Not because He's cruel, but because He knows the resurrection life that will follow when we die to self and do what He's calling us to do: love others and love them well.

Please know that whatever we face is never done in vain. There is always a purpose and always a greater story than we can figure out or put on a plot line. And someday we will see it all laid out in intricate beauty. And until then, even if we fall apart in the beginning, middle, or end, we can find comfort in knowing that strong arms will catch us and our right hand will be held the entire time.


Monday, April 23, 2018

Rest

Rest, true rest, is something I think is elusive to most of us. We simply don't know how to stop doing anything. While doing one activity, we think of five more that need to be added to our list. While reading one book, we think of the next one we have to get. We have little ability to be present and fully focused on what is happening in the moment because our moments past feel like they weren't fully realized our our moments future feel like they must be filled to maximum capacity in order to make up for lost time. We move at a break neck speed and wonder why we are in pain.

Because I think about rest a lot, and truly wonder what it would be like to fully engage in all its aspects, I wrote something down a few days ago that I think might help us practice this idea of rest.

Traditionally we think of rest as coming on the Sabbath Day. The day when we are supposed to stop but usually don't because it's our day to 'catch up' instead. So what if we practiced stopping at other times, too? And I don't necessarily mean scheduling our stops. Heaven knows the minute we put one on our daily planner someone will end up with a bloody nose, a fever, an item forgotten at home, or some other circumstance that requires immediate attention. I mean an 'unscheduled, scheduled' commitment to stop based on an ending.

Most of us I would assume have things that we are constantly working on or are desperate to have relief from. So what if we began to see Sabbath rest as the day the Lord gives us rest from what we have been enduring? What if it could be seen and celebrated as the moment relief came and in that moment we stopped our work and focused on God and all He had done from start to finish?

While that may seem like rest will never come, particularly if a circumstance is long and hard, we can include the practical, little ones, that take up more of our heart and headspace than we realize.

Practically speaking, let's say a cleaning project has been weighing on our minds that we can't seem to get done. Then one day, something is unexpectedly cancelled and we find ourselves with just enough time to complete the project. When it's done? We rest. We reflect on all the ways God delayed it, met it, fulfilled it, and opened our eyes to it.

Or, we could think about science fair projects in elementary school. From the moment they are assigned it feels like the end is both out of sight and looming ominously on the horizon. But again, once they are done, we can look back and see all the ways God intervened to help.....even if we did occasionally turn into something we swore we never would and still owe several people that we live with and interacted with in public massive amounts of apologies.

I can't help but wonder if we recognized rest and celebrated it in these little things if the practice would become so appealing and enticing that we did actually long for it and followed it the way God prescribed in the beginning.

I'm writing this now because I have just been given the gift of rest earlier than I expected. I knew that my time was coming to an end but the end came much sooner and more abruptly than I anticipated. And honestly, as much as it is welcomed, I am also lost. It feels like in some way that what I was finding a lot of purpose in was just ripped away. Believe me, it is for the best, but the loss remains.

However, if I were to view this as the rest I couldn't seem to practice before, I can see this all as grace. Grace to stop me in my tracks before I seriously hurt myself by taking on too much.

And there lies the reality. Rest is work because it takes practice to learn how to do it. We are so conditioned to be productive, we don't know how to just be.

I don't know what situation is present in your life that makes you desperate for relief, but I can tell you, even before it comes, there are glimpses of what that rest will look and feel like in other areas. And maybe if we can start to recognize those, we can start to see more of the gift God gave us long ago that we haven't been taking advanatge of and then start longing for the rest He gives in more ways than we realize.


Saturday, April 21, 2018

Weekly Recap ~ April 16 thru April 20



Monday, April 16, 2018

If we give sound advice, we really hope it will be followed. The question
is to do we take it as well as we give it?



Tuesday, April 17, 2018

The minute we think our dream is dead and gone, God can send reminders
that it's just beginning.



Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Scars tell stories and contain more beauty than we realize.



Thursday, April 19, 2018

If we can speak words without knowledge, is it possible we can
pray without knowledge too?



Friday, April 20, 2018

The subtle difference between enough and everything.


Friday, April 20, 2018

The Difference Maker

Did you ever notice how the psalms can be both the most encouraging of all the books in the Bible and also the hardest to digest in their ability to not hold back? Sometimes they fill us with such hope of the promises God has made and sometimes we are smacked in the face with our humanity and ability to fail miserably.

The good news is we get a lot of warnings.....tell a future generation the praiseworthy acts of the LORD, so that they might put their confidence in God, not forget His works, but keep His commands (Psalm 78:4,7 CSB) or they will not keep God's covenant, refuse to live by His law, and forget what He has done. (Psalm 78:10 CSB) Pretty clear cut, right?

But sometimes the warnings are a bit more difficult to comprehend. We see that God is slow to anger and abounding in love (Exodus 34:6) but we also see that we can enrage Him and provoke His jealousy. (Psalm 78:58) However, we are at least told how we can do that which we ought not to do: we enrage Him with our high places, and we provoke His jealousy with our carved images. (Psalm 78:58)

At this point, we almost have to ask ourselves what our high places and carved images are. It's not necessarily an easy question to answer either because we don't always recognize them. We read the Old Testament and can't see beyond the physical reality of what the high places and carved images were and so we think we can't possibly have them. Except we do. Time, money, influence, success, etc. They exist, just more in the abstract than the literal.

So what do we do? How do we stop ourselves?

Sadly we can't on our own. We need divine intervention in the most profound ways to keep our idolatrous hearts in line.

So as I sat here thinking about this, I realized something rather obvious. It's not simply about God being enough, it's about God being everything. And the difference is so subtle it's almost impossible to explain, but I'm going to give it a go anyway.

According to Merriam Webster online, the definition of enough is occuring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations. However, the definition of everything is all that is important. One is subjective based on personal perception, the other is objective leaving no room for error about what matters most ~ God Himself because He is God, not because He can or will meet our needs.

Praise God that He understands we are human, flawed, fleshy, and fickle!

Getting to the point where God goes from being enough to everything will undoubtedly take a lifetime of His grace and compassion. We will think He is everything until something distracts us and we tell ourselves yet again that He is enough despite our disappointment in not getting what we want. And slowly but surely we will get as close as we can with His help while we still draw breath. But  one day we will see Jesus face to face. And on that day, we will be in the presence of God and realize what a cheap imitation everything else was compared to all He is. And I think that's okay. Because when our faith does become sight, Jesus will be removing the tears from our eyes knowing we were only capable of 'getting it' so much. 


Thursday, April 19, 2018

Dry Ground

Let's be honest. Reading a geneology is about as exciting as driving across the state of Pennsylvania on the turnpike. Typically, there is nothing to see. But for those of us who are rule followers and will heap loads of condemnation and guilt on ourselves if we don't read every.last.name because we'll feel like we're cheating on God by not valuing every last article in Scripture, we power through. And sometimes we get a reward.

Years ago, about seventeen and a half, there was a very popular little book released called The Prayer of Jabez. At the time I did not own a Bible, nor had I ever read any part of one on my own. However, I hopped on the Jabez wagon faster than I boarded the Ohio State bandwagon when we moved to Columbus, Ohio in early 2002. Why? It was popular and this prayer intrigued me. Today, I actually found it. Tucked tightly in 1 Chronicles 4:10, amid a long stretch of geneology. (I may or may not have flipped through more of 1 Chronicles to see when the geneology stuff would come to an end.)

Anyway, I no longer own the book. I gave it to a friend years ago and hadn't thought much about it until today. 

When I read it, I had no concept of the controversy surrounding the book. I just took it at face value but didn't invest a lot of time, effort, or my thought into it. So when I saw it this morning, of course it jumped out.

From the great internet source known as wikipedia, I found that the prayer of Jabez in the book is written like this: Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, "I gave birth to him in pain." Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, saying, "Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from the evil one." And God granted his request. (1 Chronicles 4:9-10) The King James version of the text is similar, but at the end reads that though wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! Subtle but interesting difference. However, the CSB which the version I am currently reading puts the entire prayer this way: If only you would bless me, extend my border, let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm, so that I will not experience pain. (emphasis mine)

That last part struck a nerve with the girl who cannot cry.

Since Groundhog's Day, all of the cold mornings we have experienced have made their way into our family prayers. We are begrudgingly thanking God for the cold air that reminds us we are alive as we feel its crispness. However, unless we can feel the cold, we cannot truly appreicate the warmth as it sporadically comes and goes.

Last night while getting ready for bed we had an unexpected, highly unwelcomed, interruption to our plans to sleep. Once everything was resolved my husband put his arms around me and I said, "It would be so helpful if I could cry." And then as we finally made our way under the covers he asked me if I was okay and I simply replied, "No." Needless to say I did not sleep well last night at all.

So what's the point? The last thing we should ever want to experience is to not feel pain. I am not saying we should run out and do things that cause it, but the inability to feel is a living hell. When I read Ann Voskamp's words in The Broken Way over a year ago that pain demands to be felt or demands we feel nothing at all, I had not a clue how haunting those words would be. Circumstances that are beyond our control, situations that beg for intervention from God, are meant to bring us to our knees in a desperate cry for relief because it's only when we feel the pain that we can experience His comfort.

I have had people suggest to me that perhaps what appears to be a never ending dark night of the soul is God's protection for what I can not handle in the immediate. (Stress is the worst thing in the world for an auto-immune disorder.) However, I can tell you without hesitation, that I can look back on painful experiences of the past and actually long to feel something that deeply again. Of course I would rather the happy memories that burst forth in tears of excitement and anticipation, but the tears of grief, the ones where I felt God's arms most clearly, those are the ones I miss the most.

So why am I sharing this? Because someone, at some point, is going to read this. Someone is going to realize how they are desperate to numb the pain they feel with shopping, busyness, substance, or denial. And I am writing to beg you, plead with you, embrace it. Every last tear that falls is being kept in heaven for you and is not falling in vain. They have purpose. Without tears, the soil of our hearts is going to remain dry. Yes, God can still water it in His own way, but there is something about the tears that we shed somehow saturating the holy ground where we stand keenly aware of God's presence in our lives.

It's a difficult thought to embrace what we wish was differnt. So maybe instead of wishing away or stuffing down deep what we think we don't want or need, we can ask God to reveal little glimpses of purpose throughout to see us through. And maybe somehow, someway, He will extend our border, not to expand our influence, but to deepen our understanding of who He is.


Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Beautiful Scars

I have said that I believe when something bothers or offends us (or others) it is because there is something about the situation or the words that were spoken that are going up against what we know to be true or most believe to be true and that the Spirit of God in us is trying to get us to acknowledge that something isn't right. The Spirit in us needs to either refute the lie immediately so that we don't internalize it or help us to see and understand something about ourselves so that we can be healed.

I have also said that I believe we have lost the language of lament (thank you Esther Fleece for opening my eyes to this beautiful conversation) because we don't want to be seen as whiny or ungrateful and that we cover our wounds with Scripture because we have taken some verses to an unhealthy extreme. God never once asks us to pretend something isn't painful, nor does He expect or ask us to fake it til we make it. The Lord is not an emotionless being and since we are created in His image, we are meant to feel and show emotion as well.

All that said, at the end of my current daily devotional, there is always a quote from some other source. Today's quote not only spoke to the deepest places in my heart, but also reinforces the two thoughts above. I pray that this quote blesses you as much as it did me. 

Why did Jesus still have wounds on His risen body? The traditional answer is that the
wounds proved it was really he and not an imposter....But I believe the wounds had a 
deeper meaning with radically transforming implications that affect us through the 
ages. I believe the wounds were the sure sign that the eternal God through Jesus has
never and will never ignore, negate, minimize, or transcend the signficance of human
woundedness.  ~ Flora Slosson Wuellner, Feed My Shepherds  (emphasis mine)

Think about that for just a moment. If Jesus rose from the dead with His scars, will we rise to eternal life with ours? And if we do, when He is wiping every tear from our eyes, will He be touching each wound to heal it perfectly but still leave us with the mark of how we shared in His suffering and a reminder of His sufficient grace that saw us through until we were safely in His presence for eternity? And if that is true, can we finally stop pretending that everything is okay, that things don't hurt, that we are actually more wounded than we are willing to admit, and give Him the access He needs to redeem what He wants to redeem so that we can effectively be His hands and feet to those around us?

I am convinced that our wounds matter. I am certain that the things that hurt us, harm us, and threaten to destroy us, have a purpose. God doesn't ask us to pull up our boot-straps and just move on, that would be society. And all that does is attempt to minimize our need of the only one that can save us. We might have accepted Him into our hearts as Lord and Savior a while ago, but it's time we stop trying to save ourselves until we finally make it home. He's never going to tire of coming to our rescue and it's time we stop making Him chase us down to do it.


Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Pay It Forward

Last Wednesday I ran into someone I rarely see at Trader Joe's. During the course of our conversation I shared some encouraging words that she needed to hear and relay to the person they were about. This was clearly a divine appointment.

Then at the end of the devotional I read last Friday, the author suggested asking God to confirm His call on my life. Within an hour (probably more like 5 minutes but I don't really want to admit that I go straight from my quiet time to facebook), I read a post by someone I follow that was a mind-blowing reassurance of what I know to be true but feel like is completely out of reach. The funniest part, while I knew we had the same first name, I never realized we also have the same middle name. Coincidence? I think not.

So that is what I'm paying forward to you today. Yes, you, the one reading this. Whoever you are, wherever you are. That dream you are holding on to that you feel like is completely elusive because you are someplace you really don't want to be and feel stuck, God is working on it. You may not feel like it, you might not be seeing evidence of it, you might have forgotten it even existed except for the fact that as soon as I started writing this it came to the forefront of your mind and was birthed anew in your heart. It's not over. It's just beginning. And it's going to be better than you imagined because for all the time that you thought it was dying, the dream wasn't, your flesh was. God has been working things out of you so that this could be fully put in you.

How do I know this? Beause that's exactly what I realized has been happening in me. So much of me has died over the past 18 months I didn't even realize it. Things I thought I wanted for the reasons I thought I wanted them, gone. The picture is so much bigger, so much clearer, and so much better. And ironically, I have no more direction now than I did then. I just have reasons that go beyond my benefit.

So don't give up. Keep pressing forward and realize that God hasn't been asleep at the wheel, He's been paving the road, filling the potholes, and laying out the map. He's taking us someplace and it's going to be someplace great.


Monday, April 16, 2018

Beautiful Inheritance

A couple weeks ago I had a conversation with my mom about taking advice. Essentially, the discussion amounted to Jesus asking, "Do you want to get well?" (John 5:6) However, once we answer that question for ourselves, we have to ask the next, more difficult question. What are we willing to do to make that happen?

Perfect example: If you have inflammation in your body you would be wise to avoid night-shade vegetables. (FYI, apparently these are things that grow at night.) Included in this lovely mix of precious things I love are tomatoes, peppers (green, red, yellow, orange), eggplant (not a big deal because no one in my family will eat it anyway), and white potatoes. There are a few other things, but those are the 'painful' ones. When we had this conversation, I had heard about this whole night shade thing years ago but never really investigated it. Then when I saw the list I wanted to pretend I didn't. And I was faced with a choice. Eat those things and feel the same or take them out and feel better.

Now, will I do this perfectly? Heavens no. A girl has to eat a normal slice of pizza once in a while, and a holiday with out mashed potatoes and gravy should be illegal. The point is, the majority of the time, I have to make a conscious choice to do what I know is best.

Realizing this opened my eyes to something I apparently needed to relearn. Pslam 16:6 reads The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed I have a beautiful inheritance. (CSB)

A lot of times I, maybe more we, tend to think of God's restrictions as a way to steal all our fun. However, if we think about this logically, we know that is a lie of the devil, the same one he got Eve with in the garden. God doesn't give us boundaries to ruin our lives, He does it so we can have an abundant life, a life that gives us the rewards we truly want....the fruits of the Spirit. Especially that all-elusive peace one.

Now, if my mom who loves me, reminded me of what I knew to be true about the night shade vegetables and I didn't heed her advice, it might be easy for her to get frustrated when she knows what is truly in my best interest. (She is a nurse by the way.) Of course my mom is human and we humans in our very flesh covered and influenced bodies tend to let our egos get the best of us when we give someone sound advice about their situation and they don't listen. So, let's just imagine for a minute what this is like from God's perspective.

Jesus says in John 15:11 I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. (CSB) Jesus didn't speak to hear Himself talk, He spoke with purpose, and His purpose was so that we could have His joy. On top of which, Psalm 119:72 says Instruction from your lips is better for me than thousands of gold and silver pieces. (CSB) That will preach right there. Why? Because if we consider that all scripture testitfies of Jesus and that Jesus is the Word made flesh, all of that Word is meant to give us joy. And God is willing to speak and tell us everything we need to know and we either ignore or avoid His directions.

A little over a week ago, I shared a quote on facebook that Kyle Idleman put up from his book Grace Is Greater. He said, The worst thing that could happen is that you spend your life trying to outrun God because you think He's chasing you to collect what you owe - when really He's chasing you to give you what you could never afford.

Sometimes I wonder if we avoid God's instructions because we think His boundaries are going to come with a cost that is so high we never consider that what we might get in return makes them the greatest bargain we'll ever see. Afterall, according to the Psalm, they are better than thousands of gold and silver pieces.

Maybe it's time to start letting God speak freely, knowing He is going to speak what we need to hear, not what we want to hear. He will continue to love us even if we don't heed His calling immediately because He knows His words won't fall flat and will accomplish the purpose He's sending them for eventually. Maybe it's just time for us to understand that it's in our best interest to invest His truth in our lives immediately to get the best return.


Saturday, April 14, 2018

Weekly Recap ~ April 9 thru April 13




Monday, April 9, 2018

If we had to sign our name based on the last thing we called ourselves, 
what would we be writing down?



Tuesday, April 10, 2018

If we don't take the thorns out of the garden, the flowers will simply not grow.



Wednesday, April 11, 2018

What if what's causing the tension in our lives isn't the problem itself but 
just a symptom of the underlying problem?



Thursday, April 12, 2018

Divine intervention in the form of writer's block.




Friday, April 13, 2018

The new hope the words 'according to' should give us.







Friday, April 13, 2018

A Spacious Place

A little over a month ago I read something in Deuteronomy that was about the most humbling passage of Scripture I have ever come across.

You are not going to take possession of their land because of your righteousness
or your inegrity. Instead, the LORD your God will drive out these nations before
you because of their wickedness, in order to fulfill the promise He swore to your
fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Understand that the LORD your God is not 
giving you this good land to possess because of your righteousness, for you are
a stiff-necked people. Deuteronomy 9:5-6 CSB

So, in case there was ever any doubt in our minds about why we are given some of the things we are given, that pretty much sums it up. Sometimes it is simply because we are the lesser of two evils.

So this morning I finished 1 Samuel. Having been in the Old Testament since the start of the year because I am reading through the Bible chronologically, when you see the story line develop in such a dramatic fashion, it is really quite intriguing. And when you toss in the Psalms that David wrote while Saul was pursuing him or while he is fighting battles, it makes his words just fly right off the page. (Some day, if I am brave enough, I'll share an interesting paralllel I saw between the Old/New Testament. I was totally geeked out about it. Like over the top geeked out.)

Anyway, after finishing the last four chapters of 1 Samuel, I had to read Psalm 18. And there were two things that really stuck out to me.

First, Psalm 18:19 (CSB) says He brought me out to a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me. Second, Psalm 18:20 (CSB) says The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness; he repaid me according to the cleanness of my hands. 

Because those humbling Deuteronomy verses have been stuck in the back of my mind, verse 19 made me see God's dramatic love for us in a profoundly new way. Whether or not we deserve it, He rescues us because He delights in us. Even when we make mistakes, even when we make poor choices, even when we flat out know better, His delight in us is not declared null and void. The truth is, He wants more for us than we want for ourselves and He's willing to relocate us to help us see it.

Now that second verse proved a bit more troublesome because of the difficult words in Deuteronomy.  And so I read it a few times and then stared at it. And then I wrote a bullet point down about it and started at that. And the more I looked at it, the more confusing it got. Until I actually saw what it didn't say. It doesn't say the LORD rewarded me because of my righteousness, it says the LORD rewarded me according to my rightouesness.

Since reading the verse in Deuteronomy in March, in a way, I've been beating myself up over it. I mean when you read you really don't get anything you have because you've earned it or deserve it, that's pretty cut and dry. And when you feel like you're getting it because you are the less evil option, that just pretty much seals the deal of every ounce of unworthiness you have ever felt in your life. And okay, that should make grace all the more beautiful and appealing, but when you have a full set of Samsonite that you've been carrying for 40+ years, that's not as easy of a transition as one might think.

However, Psalm 18:20 highlights something else. Progress. Movement in the right direction. Growth.

In order to be rewarded according to our righteousness, there has to be some involved. It might not be total, and it certianly isn't complete, but it's still apparently there, which by default means transformation directed by, and a result of, God's internal work in our hearts and minds.

I don't know why so many of us struggle with perfectionist tendencies. We like Monday starts because they look fresh, new, and mistake free. But by the time 10:30 AM rolls around and we've either lost our cool with a kid or absent mindedly finished the cookies because they didn't get put away, we have already written off the rest of the day if not the rest of the week. Our thinking in so many regards is completely black and white. But if I'm learning anything, it's that progress is gray.  Sometimes it's obvious and sometimes it's not.

What's fascinating is that David shares what I believe was his key to progress. In verses 21 and 22 of Psalm 18 he writes For I have kept the ways of the LORD and have not turned from my God to wickeness. Indeed, I let all His ordinances guide me and have not disregarded His statutes.

Four things. (1) He kept the ways of the Lord ~ which by default means he knew them. (2) He did not turn to wickedness ~ which would have been easy considering he had two opportunities to take out Saul (3) He let God's ordinances guide him ~ again meaning he knew them. And (4) he did not disregard God's statutes ~ even the ones he might have liked to.

Because Friday is the end of the week, this is the day many of us look back and think about all that has happened over the last five days. I would think that's probably because by Tuesday at dinner we are ready for the weekend because something has happened that makes us desperate for the week to be over. But instead of thinking about all the things we could have done differently or better, let's try to find the places we see progress. And before we're tempted to say there was none, that would mean God wasn't active in our lives and we know that's simply not true.

It might not be easy or obvious to find the spot we seem to have a little more room, but my guess is that we've all been rescued this week in one way or another and brought into a more spacious place. Truthfully it might be a space in our thoughts that's opened up to new possibilities or a spot in our hearts that seems capable of more love and compassion. My hope is that if we can see where God stepped in and rescued us (likely from ourselves), we'll also see the ways He has grown us. And if we can see that He has rewarded us according to the righteousness that He sees in us, maybe we can start to see ourselves more through His eyes than our own.


Thursday, April 12, 2018

Furious Love

Confession: I have tried to write about 4 different things. However nothing is coming out and this is what I keep coming back to. So despite my (vain) attempts to share what I wanted to share, apparently this is what needs to be posted today.

This is the song I listen to when I go for a walk. It's about 5 minutes long and I have it on repeat. It is the song I need most right now. I can only assume that someone else needs it too because the Lord seems to be pretty adamant that this is what I'm posting. 

If you get nothing else out of this song, know this.....His furious love has laid waste to our sins.


Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Tension

In January I wrote a post titled Life or Death about being offended. The premise of the post was that being offended was not necessarily a bad thing IF we let God show us why something is bothering us. Our heavenly Father knows every detail of our lives, every piece of baggage we are still carrying around, and exactly why something is unsettling us, therefore, if instead of glossing over what is rubbing us the wrong way we let Him speak into it, old wounds can be healed and we can be made just a little bit more whole.

After the past week I realized something else along those same lines about tension in our lives and when things get uncomfortable and difficult. Namely that whatever is creating the uncertainty, anxiety, or stress also has a root cause and only by uncovering it can we have the veil removed from our eyes to move forward.

I have written breifly about my friend who has dimentia. But there were things I didn't understand about myself in this entire situation until I was alone in the car with my thoughts listening to songs that helped me see the reality of my circumstances.

When we moved to Pittsburgh in the fall of 2006, I was thrilled. My grandparents were still alive and I knew my kids would be able to see them. Except they lived in a horrible neighborhood they weren't about to leave and I didn't always feel comfortable taking them there. I didn't think I could get an 18 month old and a 3 year old in the car fast enough. (You may think I'm over reacting but believe me, I'm not.) Because of this, even though we lived about 45 minutes away it got to the point that I saw them primarily on holidays. I lived closer than I had in 18 years and saw them just about as much.  They were both gone within three months of each other in December of 2009/March of 2010. #Guilt

When my dad's dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2000 and we were newlyweds living outside of Youngstown, Ohio, I drove in every weekend to see him in the hospital and subsequently the nursing home until he died in March of 2001. Granted we had no kids, two cars, and I worked Monday through Friday, but the fact that I was able to do that then and didn't see my mom's parents nearly as much has increased the guilt.

In the summer of 2015, I didn't go to my uncle's house for the 4th of July. I have a hard time staying awake as it is and to drive 45 mintues with two kids after being in the sun didn't seem super wise. He had a heart attack four days later and died on my birthday at the end of the month. I still haven't forgiven myself for not going. #MoreGuilt

So what does this all have to do with my friend? The desire I have to help her and the intense feeling I have to be there is all related.

I am convinced that whether we are offended or stressed out, there is some underlying cause that God is trying to uncover in our lives that we are completely oblivious to. And unless we give Him access to our hearts to truly unearth what is causing it, we can't get better. And I don't think the tension is a cruel punishment. Far from it. I truly believe it's His grace. Grace to show us that He wants more for us than we are currently experiencing and He chooses to show us through what currently has our undivided attention.

My hope is that by sharing this that we will all start to pay more attetnion to the things that are going on inside of us and realize that God is trying to talk to us more than we ever knew. And if we give Him the room He needs to speak freely, we might not just find out what's really bothering us, we might also start to feel the peace He wants us to have.


Tuesday, April 10, 2018

The Missing Link

I've been thinking a lot about what I wrote yesterday....how I talk to myself, how I would have to sign my name if I had to use the last word I said to describe myself, etc. And I know, believe me I know, that the problem is I don't take my thoughts captive. It's not that I don't know to do this, I just usually get so caught up in what I'm doing I don't honestly take the time to do it.

However, I also think there is another issue at hand.

Last week I blogged about the shortest distance quite possibly being the longest journey in a post titled Distance. I have always been working under the assumption that what I know in my head is not making it to my heart and therefore the root of the problem.

Except there's more to it. And it's a pretty big deal as far as I can see.

Most of us are pretty familiar with the Parable of the Sower. In this illustration, Jesus talks about some of the seeds falling among thorns that choked the plants. They simply couldn't grow because the soil wasn't ready to accept them. And suddenly, it all came together.

If what we say is an overflow from our heart (Luke 6:45), and we will be held accountable for the words we say (Matthew 12:36), and as a man thinks in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7), our biggest issue isn't a lack of belief, it's that we haven't broken up the unplowed ground of our hearts and we are sowing (or attempting to) among thorns. (Jeremiah 4:3)

So why don't we do this? Because when we start picking up thorns we usually prick ourselves and bleed. The hurtful things that have been said, the rejections we have felt, the lies we have believed for longer than we can remember and we don't know where they started in the first place, the disappointments that have come our way, the failures that have left us believing we can't trust our own abilitilies or judgements. And instead of dealing with the problem, we numb it. Time and time again. In more and more creative ways. Avoidance has become our frenemy.

But what if we actually did what we are supposed to do? What if we truly went to God with a list, as many times as needs to be done, of the hurts that are there and we let Him start removing the thorns? Are we willing to even look at them, acknowledge their presence, and let Him pull them out of the places they have been piercing our hearts for entirely too long?

I have no clue if anyone other than me needs this, but I am guessing if you are female and have been alive for more than a two decades something in these words is hitting a sensitive spot you would prefer not to have exposed. And that's okay. You don't have to be ready. But if on the other hand the dull ache is getting old and you are tired of the record that's been playing in your mind for far too long, just know you aren't the only one. I'm right there with you. And frankly, I think we need to hear a new voice from now on. Preferably the one that's been trying to calm our fears.


Monday, April 9, 2018

Inked

When I was still in school I remember that one of the trends was writing a name on your hand or on your shoe. For the life of me I have no idea why anyone started doing that. In retrospect when I consider how fickle our young relationships were, it seems pretty foolish. But we did it. Maybe it was a way of identifying the fact that we could proudly display a name that was at least associated with us because you would never, ever write a name for all to see unless there was a reasonable explanation, like a mutual feeling.

I also seem to remember a trend of writing I Love _______ repeatedly on paper. Now this was a time passer for sure, but also a waste of paper. And what did it prove? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But I can admit to doing this because I wasn't the only girl who did it. Clearly, there was something inherently in us, even at such a young age, that was determined to prove our love.

Unfortunately these tenedencies follow us for what seems like a lifetime. As we get older the way we prove our love matures into more meaningful activities (laundry, cooking, cleaning, gift-giving, etc) but we are still more often than not trying to prove our love and therefore earn love in return.

Part of me wonders if this name writing habit is part of our DNA. Sounds odd, doesn't it? But it's not. Why? Because God etched our names into the palms of His hands according to Isaiah 49:16. (Is it just me, or does that sound like a tattoo?) But that's not the point I want to make today, it's just a nice sidebar.

If our names are ethed into His palm like it says, what does the name say? Is it our individual names? Does it say Jenn, Kim, Faith, or Holly? Or does it say what He calls us? Beloved, Chosen, Redeemed, Loved? Either way, I can say for sure what it doesn't say.....overweight, lazy, selfish, worthless.

Indulge me for just a moment......

If someone called us the names we call ourselves, would we be their friend?

If someone called us the names we call ourselves, will God hold them accountable?

Why do we call ourselves anything but the names God has given us and think He won't hold us accountable?

In Matthew 11:26 Jesus says, But I tell you that EVERYONE will have to give an account on the day of judgement for every empty word they have spoken. (CSB, emphasis mine)

Do you know what that word empty means? Thoughtless. Unprofitable. Injurious. And I'll be honest, I didn't look up the word everyone, because I'm pretty sure it's self-explanatory.

The negative tirade we have going on in our heads and hearts isn't going unnoticed. Because even if we are displaying self-confidence to the world, God is fully and completely aware of what we are telling ourselves on a regular basis. And whether or not we realize it, there is evidence of its fruit in our lives. We act out of that which we most believe to be true.

Now, I am not about to advocate going back to inking names on our hands or writing them on our shoes. (Seriously, I am shaking my head over the sheer number of Keds I decorated.) No one wants to have their picture snapped that isn't at a retro dance with a caption that reads "stuck in the 80's." (Could you even imagine breathing in that many hairspray fumes?) But I do think we need to become more aware of the inner dialogue we have going on and what it is giving birth to in our lives.

As I have struggled with this, and I suspect I am not alone, I have printed out numerous papers over the years with the names that God has given us. And they are nice to read and look at. But until I started intentionally putting myself in front of something every day, I didn't realize just how far I have yet to go in this area.

Twenty-eight days ago I started a new devotional I Am by Michele Cushatt. I have to say, she not only tells it like it is, she tells exactly why she is able to write it. She isn't writing from a place of "I've done this right all along and so now I am here to teach you." Far from it. She's the "I have been where you are and am working my way out of it and I am taking you out from under this with me." 

If you are like me and tired of seeing the bad fruit, we can decide to start planting good seeds. Seeds that we've been given through God's Word that will accomplish purposes beyond our wildest imagination. All we need to do is ask Him for the name He has written on His hands that remind Him of us and start using that instead of the default ones we've been given or have gave ourselves. He changed Abram's and Jacob's names, He can certainly help us change ours.


Saturday, April 7, 2018

Weekly Recap ~ April 2 thru April 6



Monday, April 2, 2018

We don't have to start over as if our efforts were a waste of time. 
We simply need to begin again. 



Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Just because something falls down does not mean we need to pick it back up.



Wednesday, April 4, 2018

"Even though" is not a call to ignore what we've done, 
it's a charge to go back despite what we've done. 



Thursday, April 5, 2018

Hope in the midst of chaos.



Friday, April 6, 2018

Sometimes the longest journeys measure the shortest distance.





Friday, April 6, 2018

Distance

There are days when I open my Bible to read it and things almost literally jump off the page at me. Things that I am not seeing or reading for the first time, but that almost mandate a palm to the forehead type of response.

Today's reading: 1 Samuel 15-17

Math Lessons:

obedience > sacrifice/offerings

rebellion ⩭ divination

defiance ⩭ idolatry

The first one is obvious but the other two really cause a girl to think. I mean I don't read my horoscope but heaven knows I try to plan for every possible outcome and gather every ounce of information to try to predict the future, so...... And that defiance being the same as idolatry. Well, let's just say that one is a little easier to get.

Logic Lessons:

People see what others look like and hear what they say and then base their response on their perceptions of reality. (lose courage, become terrified, retreat)

The Lord sees the heart and knows its thoughts and attitudes and then bases His response on reality. Ouch.

Gym/Boxing Lessons: (AKA palm to the forehead, head looking straight down, thinking how on earth did you not see this before?)

David wasn't concerned about a 'physical' match-up to prove his ability to take on his giant; he knew who his enemy was, he considered what he, himself was able to do, and found the weakness he needed to bring the giant down.

Most of us, when confronted, still try to take the morally high road meaning we don't go for the cheap shots. However........

If Satan knows our weaknesses and attacks them, do we know his? If he is going for low blows and cheap shots to take us down, why don't we do the same? 

As I asked myself these questions, I had to honestly answer: I don't know his weaknesses as readily as he clearly knows mine and I don't go for low blows and cheap shots. Half the time, I think I end up more in agreement with the accusations he is hurling at me because the fruit of what he is saying exists. Just in case you are wondering, that by default means I am not acknowleding how far God has brought me in a particular area, it means I am focusing on the fact that it hasn't been fully resolved. This is clearly a problem.

But then as I continued going turning this over and over again trying to see it from every possible angle I realized something interesting.

If Satan starts calling me names, I can hurl those same names back at him. The difference is that I am speaking truth to him and at the same time dismantling and discrediting everything he says to me. 

When the enemy launches a verbal attack, I tend to all to quickly agree with what he is saying. He is hitting where I am most vulnerable and prone to come down on myself. But unless I call him a liar, a cheat, and a thief acknowledging what he is doing, I will keep accepting what he says is true. 

Why does this matter? Distance.

I think a lot of us know in our minds the truth of what God says about us. The problem is we don't necessarily believe it in our hearts. And the gap between those two parts leaves a lot of room for doubt to creep in.

But if we started by calling him out as a liar, a cheat, and a thief first wouldn't his words lose their value and then increase the value of what we know God says is true?

Sometimes I wonder if we need to remind ourselves exactly we are dealing with. Maybe if we start doing that we'll not only stop listening to his jibberish but begin truly accepting God's perfect words.