Thursday, August 31, 2017

Weightlifting 101

Most of us probably know that if we need to pick up something heavy (kid, furniture, 16 bags of groceries at one time) we aren't supposed to lift with our backs. And some of us probably know that if we do a decline push-up or a basic plank with poor form, we're going to injure our lower back and probably strain our neck. Technique is everything when it comes to lifting and holding weight. Thankfully Jesus has done the heavy lifting on our behalf.

Hebrews 10:11 tells us: Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. When we pick this verse apart we find a few interesting things.

First, the priest is standing. Knowing we are all priests now in God's kingdom, if we are of the female variety and happen to be wearing heels, it won't take long for this to get tiring.

Second, we see that again and again we are doing something. Doing anything repeatedly is not only monotonous and boring, but it loses its effectiveness because it becomes so automatic there's nothing intentional about it.

Third, we are offering the same sacrifices. You know, all the things we're going to give up because our behavior will make us holy. Except not because we keep returning to them.

Thankfully there's a verse 12. But when THIS PRIEST had offered for all time ONE SACRIFICE for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God. (emphasis mine) Praise God for the work of Jesus on the cross. He took care of it for us. The problem is we don't act like it.

More and more I tend to find myself constantly offering up what I think is going to please God. Most of this goes outside of what I know He's called me to do. And while it would be good if it were a response of worship, more often than not it's out of guilt and an attempt to make myself more acceptable, more lovable, more like Him. Except if He's already created me in His image, I can't improve upon what I've already got. Just ask Eve.

As we continue further into Hebrews, chapter 12 verse 1 tells us to throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. Why? So we can run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Personally I find this concept fascinating.

If a plane were going down or a ship were about to sink the logical thing would be to lighten the load. And since we know we can't sacrifice our way out of our sins, we have to throw them off instead. Like as far as we can. And sometimes that means tossing it and then running the opposite direction completely so we aren't tempted to pick it back up. And when we've got less to weigh us down, it's not only easier to run, it's significantly more enjoyable.

But tossing aside and leaving behind what has kept us company for so long is not easy. It requires some discipline. But not the kind of discipline that is legalistic and rigid, the kind of discipline that changes something significant and creates lasting, long-term results.

Philippians 4:8 tells us all the things we are supposed to think about like the good, lovely, the excellent and praise-worthy. But that doesn't come naturally and it's going to require some practice....or more accurately, some discipline. Discipline that renews our minds, attitudes, and hearts and produces a harvest of righteousness and peace.

While we may find this transition difficult, we have to accept the fact that we can not have a renewed mind thinking the same old thoughts. It will never happen. If our default mode remains securely in place, we can't fully embrace the freedom Christ has given us because we'll just keep performing the same religious duties and offering the same sacrifices again and again hoping this time will be different. If all we do is maintian the status quo expecting different results, we'll drive ourselves crazy.

We don't have to get out a piece of paper and brainstorm what's hindering us. Some things we know because we've known for awhile and just haven't thrown them off yet. And over time God will reveal the things we don't see that are weighing us down. Because at least from my experience, the closer I move to Him, the pickier He seems to get.

Let's make today the day we start strengthening our feeble arms and weak knees by lifting some of the heavy weights and throwing them off. Let's stop doing the same things over and over and try something new. And let's accept the discipline He's been trying to instill so that we can share in His holiness knowing that once we've been trained by it we'll be flouring in a frutiful orchard. He promises to make it worth it and we already know He keeps all of His promises.


Wednesday, August 30, 2017

The Final Countdown

Tomorrow is the worst day of the year for me. Not August 31st specifically, but what it represents this year. It's the first day of school. Just seeing that makes me want to scream. And yank my hair out. And throw a temper tantrum that could rival a 3 year old in Target that just spotted their dream toy back in stock while mom/dad/grandma said NO.

Summer, while still busy, is a much slower pace. I think I have only set an alarm one time this summer. One. And that's because we were leaving to go out of town for a wedding and had to be on the road by 9:00 AM with 1/2 of us fully dressed for the occasion.

Summer doesn't have homework, projects, tests, or assigned reading. It is void of packing lunches the night before and having to put on real clothes on a daily basis. Truth be told, if we were staying home for the day, it was shower then put your pj's back on because momma wasn't adding laundry to the pile without cause. And when a lot of the summer is (typically) spent at the pool, all you really wear is a bathing suit anyway.

But now it's back to business. Getting to bed on-time, studying, finishing homework, checking homework when necessary, activities, volunteering, and so much more. Too much more.

Don't get me wrong, there are some advantages. Like cleaning. Cleaning when I'm home alone with loud music and no one making any kind of mess within 2 seconds of compleetion is plenty to celebrate. And with no x-box controller noise endlessly clicking I won't feel violent. And of course there is the ability to read something that requires concentration that won't be interrupted 17 times in 3 sentences. But no matter how many pros you can write, the biggest con still exists: My babies are away from me for 7 hours a day.

If the Target seasonal section and its clearance prices are any indication, you've probably been back to school for at least a week already. I'm sorry. You are already living the nightmare dream. And while I'm typically not one to rush the seasons, my hope was found when I saw Thankgsgiving Cards in the card section and Halloween and Thanksgiving in the Dollar Spot. Why? Because before we've even begun, I'm ready for break. Like tomorrow.

But there are two bright spots to all of this. First, once school is back in, Bible Study is back on. And I miss the ladies I get to do life with on Friday mornings throughout the school year something fierce when we're on break. And second, and this might be my favorite, my husband's day off during the week means 7 hours just for us. Like, we can eat together while food is hot and have a grown up conversation or watch a movie without it feeling like a game of Twenty Questions. That is pretty nice.

It seems like the summer to fall transition is really the last day of August into the first day of September regardless of the fact that it technically lasts another 20 days. So rather than lamenting the closing of pools and the loss of white shoes until Memorial Day, let's take the approaching season to Fall in Love With Jesus all over again. Let's look at the soon to change leaves and watch God paint pictures outside our windows to remind us that the water He gave them through the spring and summer is bursting forth in brilliance before our very eyes. And maybe, just maybe, a renewed sense of awe in who He is will remind us that even though seasons change He never does.



Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Fuel Perks



This morning I read the swHw devotional app that quoted Nehemiah and reminded me that the joy of the Lord is my strength. While the app had many incredible things to share (thank you Somer!) I needed to take a minute to read that verse, stare at those words, and see what they really mean. I am hoping what God showed me will bless you and maybe help you endure these fiery trials that seem to be multiplying like rabbits.

When we were little it didn't take much to motivate us to do something. I remember, well not really remember - more like heard an audio clip - of me as a two/three year old reciting Mary Mary Quite Contrary. I didn't get through the entire nursery rhyme but at one point I just kept repeating Mary, Mary. My motivation? A cookie. My mom distinctly says, "Say Mary Mary and then I'll give you a cookie." Not to miss a beat I belted out, "Mary, Mary now give me my cookie."

But I would assume that more than the cookie, I wanted to see my mom smile. It's amazing what the admiration of a parent can get a child to do. Even the thought of being mommy's little helper can inspire the most obstinate of the vertically challenged folk. And we can take this another step. If our husband were to vacuum for us and it helped us out tremendously and we responded verbally with words that labeled him as our knight in shining armor, he's likely going to do it again. And if our husband praises our lasagna to everyone he knows, we are not going to mind layering those flimsy noodles one little bit. We all seem to thrive when we have affirmation and encouragement.

So, when we see these words in Nehemiah we have to ask ourselves how can the Lord's joy be my strength?

I don't think we need to look beyond the obvious. From a parent to a child, if we are doing what is pleasing and see them smiling as a result, we're going to keep going because we like the response we are getting. And while we can't see God, we certainly have a keen sense of what is going to bring Him joy or cause Him grief. His joy, and knowing we are having an impact on it, will keep us going to do far greater than we thought we were capable because it will fuel us.

It's easy to focus on the great cloud of witnesses that cheer us on, but we can't forget that the captain of the squad is still our heavenly Father. He's the one choreographing the pyramid we are trying to ascend with the spectacular dismount that leaves the witnesses clapping with tremendous applause. And I'm not just talking about those in heaven looking down, I am including the ones on earth who see what He's managed to accomplish in and through us.

My very favorite movie is Facing the Giants. There is a clip that never fails to inspire me to keep pressing on, especially knowing that God has greater belief in my abilities than I have put in my weaknesses. Even when it feels like we are down to our very last, when we continue to give it our absolute best - even when that looks like millimeters of movement - He is filled with joy over our obedience and desire to glorify Him.

So many of us are facing what feels like a constant uphill battle. And while I don't think putting smiley face emoji's on everything to remind us that we can make God smile is necessary, I am sure we all have something that we can correlate His encouragement with. Let's seek Him to find His direction and realize that when we follow through His joy radiates out and gives us the strength we need to persevere. We must keep pressing forward until we cross through the end zone and see the One who knew we would all along.



Monday, August 28, 2017

The Root

When I started reading Kate Merrick's And Still She Laughs I thought it would be good to help me begin processing some of the losses I've endured over the past couple of years that I brushed past, not wanting to deal with anything that might be messy or painful. And while I can say without a doubt that this book has opened my eyes to a lot of things about grieving, sadness, loss, and envy, I had no idea it was going to reveal a much deeper root. One I didn't even know had grown.

When God gives us anything that we wouldn't have chosen, we are faced with the option of seeing it as a gift. A gift of love to draw us closer to Him, a gift of discipline to make us more Christ-like, or a gift of promise for something He is planning on doing in our future. The problem arises when we tell ourselves that we're okay with the gift, trusting in His goodness, but deep down we are lying to ourselves. That right there is the seed of bitterness and it grows in mass proportions, undetected, until you come face to face with a weed right in the middle of what's meant to be your fruitful garden.

"If I idolize a certain season of life, I will drown. I must learn to extract the joy
from each and every season, or I will experience a different kind of death. I can't live
in the past; I can't live in a place of missing the good old days. I need to agree with 
Jesus, that while things can be different or even disappointing, there is still life 
abundant for me to grab hold of." And Still She Laughs, p.143

When I read The Broken Way and One Thousand Gifts earlier this year, I began to focus on how I could be a gift to others as well as the gifts God gives to me daily. What I didn't even think to do was revisit the gifts of the past that I didn't view as such. The things I focused on as being more loss than gain. Why? Because I longed for the good 'ole days. I was the proverbial high school quarterback that The Boss sings of, reveling in what once was, what I wished still was, and I hoped for in the future. And that line of thinking has robbed me of joy today because I'm yearning too much for yesterday and putting a ton of eggs in a basket labeled tomorrow.

1 Peter 4:10 tells us that we should use whatever gift we have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its varoious forms. Those gifts include the things we didn't ask for but that He thought enough to give us. He meant to entrust us with them because He knew the good that could come from them as we loved others where they are because of where we came from. Not once have I done that. Not. Once. I've been too busy mumbling to myself about what I could do before, what I would try to do today that would only lead to frustration, what I despised others having the ability to do. 

But God. Two of the most beautiful words ever strung together. They speak of His intervention, compassion, and undeserved mercy.

But God stepped in and had me read a book I thought would be helpful that He had more plans for than I bargained. But God showed me through another woman's bravery and ability to admit her weakness in a completely different set of circumstances that I had done the exact same thing. But God, rich in grace that He chooses to send my way, opened my eyes to see the tall green stalk with ugly prickly leaves right in front of my face.

So thank you Kate Merrick for sharing your story. Thank you for bravely putting your words on paper to be bound in a book that is going to help countless others see that God's grace can be visible in less than stellar circumstances because He is good and only gives good gifts. Thank you for loving Jesus well and believing all of His promises are true.

We can't go through our lives lamenting what we didn't sign up for. It's not right. Each gift is meant to be used to serve others, even if it's a gift we didn't expect to unwrap. We are supposed to give the comfort we've received but in order to do that we have to be honest enough with God to ask Him to help us accept what we don't like and honest with ourselves to seek Him until peace and joy fully return. We can't afford to miss the grace of God, because when we do, we end up with something we really don't want.


Sunday, August 27, 2017

The Seventh Day


"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Hard Love

I never really understood what it was like to be given a lot of well-intended advice that was going to either fall completely flat or cause such an adverse reaction until several years ago. And while I am sure that I have been an offender of this horrible practice, I would like to believe that having read The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp, I have a deeper understanding of suffering with someone instead of trying to fix it or make it better.

A little over two weeks ago I shared that my blood work didn't come back favorable. When I was diagnosed with lupus in 2008, life changed. And while 99.9% of those changes have been for the better, there is still that .1% that I wish wasn't reality. So today I'm going to share my story. This might be a bit of a longer post so grab a cup of coffee and settle in for a few minutes.

Before we get to diagnosis there is something you need to know. I grew up in the church. While I believed in God and Jesus, it wasn't until a series of moves, first when I was about to start high school, and then 3 from the time I was married, that I actually became a Jesus loving Christian. I say that because I was pretty decent at following denominational rules. But I can say without a doubt, I had absolutely no relationship with God or Jesus. I just did what I was told and that was it.

One move, from Columbus to the outskirts of Philly, ended up leading me to a non-denominational church. While there is a lot more to the story than a simple relocation, the sermon I heard at Calvary Fellowship Church changed my life forever and subsequently the life of my husband and children. Without that move, I don't what would have happened when I got sick if I didn't have Jesus. (On an interesting sidenote, the church I started at was Sacred Heart, the church I started to really get it was called Resurrection, the church I became a Christian was called Calvary, the place I was baptized was called Grace, and the place I now belong is Northway. None of that is a coincidence.)

So, one day in February of 2008 I was on my way home from Cranberry in the dark. Just as I was driving past Northway my car hit something. I assumed I'd hit the median sliding on ice until I saw a deer in my side view mirror partially airborn. The car was totalled. Until the day I meet God and can ask for certain, I will believe the stress of that situation triggered a dormant predisposition to systemic lupus. One month later I was a very sick wife and mom.

Not having any clue what was wrong we started with our PCP. Tests were run to see if it was rheumatoid arthritis but that came back negative. What was frightening was my blood work. My liver enzymes ranged in the 500's-600's, eerily near the 700 mark. My CBC was completely out of whack and I was so tired I had to nap after a shower. Also at this point I had to shower twice a day because only a near scalding shower at bedtime could provide enough relief to make me fall asleep.

I didn't realize that the sunlight coming through my windows was the culprit behind my scalp pain. Needless to say I had to wear a scarf on my head even indoors. On the brighter side, the lovely and talented stylist I had at the time who sadly now lives in Florida, only charged me half-price for my haircuts because I only had half of my hair. We even started looking at the possibility of custom wigs that you can apparently skydive with in case my hair didn't grow back. If you want, I can show you the thin spots where it never fully returned. (Sidenote: Sadly I needed a new license in 2008. The day it expired was one of the best ever....I had long, beautiful hair in the renewal.)

Eventually there was a hematologist involved who was talking about a bone marrow biopsy if we didn't get answers and soon. But one fateful conversation about me being hypothyroid, and the fact that it was Hashimoto's (auto-immune hypothyroidism), gave him reason to believe the rheumatologist I was about to see would have all my answers.

Needless to say, one appointment, labwork taking about 14 vials of blood, and a weeks passing, we had an answer. Systemic Lupus. I now had three prescriptions added to my synthroid (prednisone, plaquenil, and imuran) and supplements like fish oil, flaxseed oil, a probiotic, and vitamin D. My vitamin D levels were so low I had to take what's called a bolus dose (a lot over a short period) before I could do a maintenance level. 25,000 IU's a day for 7 days and now 5,000 a day for the rest of my life.

It took until November to be weaned off the prednisone but the imuran and plaquenil remained. It wasn't until January of 2012 that I had to stop the imuran for a surgery. I was to be off it for two weeks prior and two weeks post and then start again. Once the two week mark hit I knew deep down God was saying not to take that pill. I found out my incision, while healing, had a minor infection. I won't even entertain the thought of what could have happened if I'd taken that drug.

But since that surgery I hadn't needed it. My numbers have been stable for just over 5 years. That's huge. But now, the activity is elevated, my white count is down, I'm on prednisone hopefully for just a very short term, and have to go back on imuran for at least a little bit. None of this was on my calendar.

But here's the thing: as much as this has caught me off guard, God knew. He's had this on His agenda since He said Let there be light. He knew all the good that would come out of this, all that it would teach me and show me about His love, the way it would grow my faith, the story of His goodness that I would get to tell, and so much more.

Just to highlight, I have the best doctor in the world who now also treats someone I love very much. If I hadn't gotten sick, we wouldn't have known her. But God knew.

I started a relationship with God and Jesus before diagnosis and was surrounded by incredible godly and compassionate women at the time I was rapidly going downhill. God knew that would be crucial.

My faith has drastically grown knowing that God alone sustains me and that the only thing a doctor can ever do is give information. God alone knows how it will work out. Regardless of what labs look like or unexpected things come up, only God can determine how much time I have and whether or not lupus, a complication from lupus, or dropping a weight on my head once I can lift them again will take me out of the game and into His arms.

What you need to know about lupus and me is this: It's not contagious, if you are sick I will stay away from you, I am not yawning because I'm bored, I can't sleep enough to not be tired, every day is a complete mystery as to what will happen, I try to take advantage of every moment I am 'able' but sometimes misjudge what I can truly handle, and God has been carrying me through this from day one.

Perhaps one of the greatest explanations of it can be found in The Spoon Theory. No, I generally don't look sick. But how I look has little, if anything, to do with how I feel. I don't talk about it a lot because usually I am really good. But right now, not so much. This time around my jaw hurts and if I talk or smile too much the pain is unbearable. Not to mention what all this typing is doing to my hands. But you're worth it.

More than anything else I want my life to be one that displays God's glory and goodness. Like Job I didn't ask for this and I probably wouldn't have volunteered or signed up given the option. But for whatever reason, He's put me here for such a time and place as this and, like it or not, that includes circumstances such as these.

I don't know everything, but I do know that He is faithful and that nothing is done without purpose. He's seen me through before and He'll see me through again. I don't know how long this will last and I am not guaranteed that the medications that worked the first time around will work this time around. And that's not being pessimistic, it's reality.  But even if they don't, even if this goes horribly awry in one way or another, I will still praise Him.

I love you all and pray that beyond any measure you know how much God loves you, even on the hard days. It's the hard days that drive us to our knees and keep our eyes looking up to the only One who can sustain us from now into eternity. And someday when I get there, I suppose I might be happier than most to get my resurrection body. But until that day comes, I'll lift my hands as high as my shoulders can tolerate and bow low until the pain is too great. Because everything He does always proves worth it.




Friday, August 25, 2017

Options

Our words matter. What we say to others, what we say to ourselves, what we say about others and ourselves. It all matters.

Jeremiah 15:19 says: If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless words, you will be my spokesman.

This verse convicted me to the core several years ago. Not that I sat around and talked badly all the time, but my husband could easily attest to the fact that I could go on a verbal tirade when hurt, provoked, or tired. My words were probably more often unworthy than they were every worthy and they were heavily peppered with sarcasm.

But our words have to go beyond being edifying. They need to be clean, too.


I don't even have to explain that picture. You know what it means. (Just in case you live under a rock or don't run the TBS Marathon on Christmas Day, google Ralphie changing the tire.)

I can't say that I've never uttered a cuss word. I can't say that they never escape my lips now. When they do they are usually coming out in the car (shocking, I know) or while exercising (static lunges to a lunge hold....ouch). The horrifying part of this is that even if I don't say what I'm really thinking, God knows the words that are on my lips before they come out. I can't even claim innocence because I didn't say it because He knows I was thinking it. 

Profanity has become common place. I wish it wasn't, but it is. And movie ratings today are incredibly liberal compared to what they were when I was a kid. Now they can have limited usage and still be PG or PG-13, when in the 80's they would have been rated R. But as common as it is, what should wake us from our slumber is when the Lord's name is taken in vain or someone drops JC like they're talking about Penny's. And sadly this post isn't inspired by a movie.

Earlier I found out that someone whom I would have never suspected to drop JC apparently drops it like its hot. Not only did this come as a huge surprise, but it made me incredibly sad. If someone were to take one of my kid's names and make it profane to be used in anger or frustration I'd be upset. And yet some, even Christians as is this case, don't understand the magnitude or beauty of that name and make it as common as a 2 Day Sale that lasts a week.

As believers we should be the ones setting and raising the bar, not lowering it. And while we can't walk around wagging our fingers, we can make better choices to use the vast language we have at our disposal to be an example to those around us and clean up our own mouths at the same time. #FootballSeasonIsComing Thankfully we gifted people like Tim Hawkins among us to share some great options. 



My prayers is that we will realize just how much our words impact others and ourselves. We have to stop pretending that our words don't have consequences, even if they are meant to be funny. If nothing else, the current state of our world should make that abundantly clear. Maybe with time we'll regain our ability to blush and use our words only for good.


Thursday, August 24, 2017

The Vine



Two things I don't do.....drink wine or tend a garden. Wine gives me a roaring headache and I have killed every plant I have ever attempted to grow. Truthfully I could probably kill a plastic plant.

Unfortunately my lack of gardening skills has always left me puzzled by the concept of being a grafted branch and what that looks like and means. In an effort to get it I found this video. My prayer is that as we watch and begin to comprehend this amazing plan, we'll be able to stop relying so heavily on ourselves and truly allow the life of Jesus that is now in us to flow through us. We really can't do it on our own and we desperately need to stop trying.

"I am indeed a branch of Jesus, the True Vine, abiding in Him, resting on Him,
waiting for Him, serving Him, and living so that through me, too, He may
exhibit the riches of His grace, and give His fruit to a dying world."

"Think, believer, how completely I belong to you. I have joined myself inseparably
to you; all the fullness and fatness of the Vine are yours. It is My desire and My honor
to make you a fruitful branch; only Abide in Me. You are weak, but I am strong; you
are poor, but I am rich. Only abide in Me; yield yourself wholly to My teaching and rule;
simply trust My love, My grace, and My promises. Only believe; I am wholly yours;
I am the Vine, you are the branch. Abide in Me."

exceprts from Abiding in Christ by Andrew Murray, updated edition 


Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Wants and Needs

When Jesus was nailed to the cross and the crown was placed upon His head, when the abuse of His body was committed and the weight of sin placed upon His shoulders, our names were all over Him. With us in mind, He endured an unspeakable death. And why? To rise again that we might live with Him.

If we think about this, it doesn't take long to want to bow at His feet and obey His every command as a response of deep love and intense worship. But regardless of our good intentions, we get easily distracted by what is visibly before us: opportunities, desires, tasks, and so much more.

And in the midst of all that can drag us away, we hear His voice calling to come and die to ourselves, so that like Him after His death, we can truly live. We, too, are to take up a cross. The struggle for us is to not put it back down.

What I didn't think about until this morning, is that like the nails of Jesus had our names, our nails have words written on them. The things that we need to pierce us to the point of pressing so deeply into Him that we die in order to live. These words are the things that consistently rob of us the abiding life He calls us to with the lies of self-sufficiency, control, power, and more.

And so what if part of the all things in Romans 8:32 are the things we don't really want but in fact need? What if they are the things that draw us closer to Him, which are probably unpleasant, but ultimately make us realize we really don't have to do it all to be loved, worthy, and accepted? What if they are the things that finally demand that we find our rest, spiritual - physical - and emotional, in Him alone?

"If trust must be earned, hasn't God unequivocally earned our trust withe the bark on the 
raw wounds, the thorns pressed into the brow, your name on cracked lips? How will He 
not give us all things He deems best and right? He's already given us the incomprehensible."
Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts Devotional, Day 7

For a people that constantly talk about the difference between wants and needs, when it comes to sharing in the sufferings of Christ, we clearly get this one backwards. What we want is to do good works in His name, what we need is to be reminded of our frailty. What we want is to coast through and see impact, what we need is the awareness of our complete dependence on Jesus.

At any moment in time our lives can be turned on end with circumstances that are wrapped in earthly uncertainty. But the assurance we have as believers reminds us that those circumstances are a part of the all things given to us in order that we may be able to love Him with our whole hearts. So instead of resisting what we would not prefer, let's lift our voices in a sacrifice of praise and let His plan graciously unfold. Our lives are meant to go beyond such a time and place as this and include for circumstances such as these.



Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Speed Limit

If there is one thing my husband does that shows his love for me more than anything else, it's letting me sit in the passenger seat while he drives. Sometimes I think he wishes we still had babies so that I'd be in the backseat with them. I am not pleasant in a confined space moving at what feels like the speed of light. As a kid I would throw my body off a sled going down a hill because it felt too fast. Did the same thing the one time I went skiing. Speed is not my friend.

Please hear me, my husband is not a bad driver. I don't trust other people. I have to close my eyes if we need to pass a semi, I look for break lights up ahead in case he doesn't see them, and I often point out what I'm sure he'd notice anyway, but do it just in case. Now, I don't do this with anyone else. Probably because they don't have to invite me into their car while he can't leave me behind. What's funny is that I didn't get this way until I became a mom. Babies do weird things to your body that last well beyond pregnancy.

The truth is, when I can see what's up ahead, I insist that I need to help.

Months ago, I wrote about how Jesus holds us up by our right hand with His right hand. This is a pretty fascinating concept. If God is on the throne and Jesus is seated at His right side, the most comfortable way He can hold our right hand with His is if we are facing Him. Remember, if He doesn't put a heavy yoke on us, He's probably not going to ask us to hold hands cross-body.

So why does He hold our right hand? While I can't say for sure my assumptions would be:

1. He wants us to walk by faith not sight. We might be moving backwards, but He sees where we're going and He's not about to let us fall.

2. If we are facing Him, we are keeping our eyes fixed on Him. Focusing on Him not the process of how things are happening perfects our faith.

Those are the two reasons I've always seen. But I think there's a third.

Like I point things out to my husband, I am sure I'd be pointing things out to Jesus if I could see. Granted, He's got more patience than my better half and would probably just smile at me, but still. However, I think it's been set up this way for our protection. Why? Because when God told Abraham what the plan was and he knew where things were headed, when they weren't happening quickly enough, he made a contingency plan. We'd probably do the same thing.

But for as much as I dislike speed in a car, I don't really like it when God moves things along at a pace that lets me feel the wind in my hair, either. The faster things go, the less control I feel, the more scared I get, the greater the likelihood I'll attempt to intervene, and as I result I never enter His rest.

When Francis Chan preached at Passion this year, he talked about how his flesh is supposed to be dead but it keeps trying to come back. We know we get ourselves in trouble when we operate like that, but there is still something in us that keeps giving it CPR. We think we need to have a back up plan just in case we've pushed against God too hard and this is the time He's going to leave us high and dry wandering in the wilderness for the next 40 years.

Hebrews 3:12 tells us to encourage one another so that none may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. And that's what this is really all about. We are constantly being tempted to believe that God is not good, that He didn't really say, and that He's holding back. Deep down we know it's not true, but our divided hearts retain that tiny piece that questions.

So maybe today we can start something new. Let's start taking our doubts straight to the source the moment they pop up and then be still enough to listen for His refuting argument. He's given us an entire book of promises and will give us the one we need to hold on to in our unbelief. Let's start letting His perfect love cast out fear and living in the abundance He's promised. It won't be easy, it won't come naturally, but it will be worth it. And ss the ones who believe Jesus is the Son of God, we get to overcome the world.


Monday, August 21, 2017

Stars in Heaven

"There are some things better to be done with help. Help from a well-tried, well-written
method, or help from someone who knows what they're doing."
Lauren Chanlder, Steadfast Love

I remember as a kid in school hearing teachers say, "You don't get any more stars in heaven for doing things the hard way." Of course that was at a time a teacher could say heaven and not get an email from a parent wanting to know why they said heaven in the classroom. Granted that was way before email, but still. The point was you can do things one of two ways: First, the logical way and second, the less logical way that will take longer, require more effort, and won't result in work that is any better than what someone else accomplished doing it the logical way.

So why, when we have our Bibles filled with stories of God's way of doing things, do we insist on doing things our own way?


Jesus tells us that we are to take His yoke and to learn from Him because His yoke is easy and His burden light. He also promises that when we do that we will find rest for our souls. For as sleep deprived as we are, always striving to do and be more, this sounds like a pretty sweet option. But more often than not, we seem to be playing Let's Make A Deal with our choices and keep picking the curtain that has the fake prize even though everyone in the audience is cheering us on to the correct one.


If I had to guess, my suspicion would be that we don't think we deserve what we're being promised. And the truth is we don't. All we need to do is take on good, honest look at ourselves, realize the depravity of our actions up to this point, and we immediately switch from the truth of grace to the false doctrine of works. But why? If we'd only re-read the book of Romans we would see how futile this line of thinking is.

"Abiding in Jesus is nothing but the giving up of oneself to be ruled, taught, 
and led, enabling the disciple to rest in the arms of Everlasting Love."
Abiding in Christ, Andrew Murray, updated edition

Being created with free-will, our ability to choose has given us the ability to make bad choices. And what's so ironic, is that a lot of us are tired of making decisions. If we are discussing what we will do first, what we will have for dinner, or what time we're going to leave for an event, don't we often wish the other person would just decide? Isn't it based on not wanting to be responsible for the outcome? And isn't this what Jesus offers us with His yoke? And yet we resist it because deep down we all have a little bit of control-freak in us.

The thing is, yielding is not going to come naturally to any of us. It's going to require small, deliberate steps on our part that we will have no choice but to do with the strength of Christ. But the outcome, the rest and peace we desperately are seeking, is going to make it so worth it. Let's ask ourselves what one thing we can start with to see that our hope will not disappoint or put us to shame and continue moving forward from there. We've already got cheerleaders rooting us on, maybe it's time we understand that the Coach they had is for us, too. 


Sunday, August 20, 2017

The Seventh Day

From this Sunday forward I am issuing a challenge. Let's look for God in everything around us. Let's ask Him to show us where He was this past week that we missed Him. Let's pray that He will open our eyes to all the places He's waiting for us in the week to come. And finally, let's just rest in His arms today and get filled back up. We've got six days of meaningful work ahead of us and we need to be at our best.


Saturday, August 19, 2017

Full of Grace

When you give up on yourself, you are truly giving up on the Spirit in you, 
Jesus' declaration to never leave you, and God's promise to complete you.

Everyday after I finish my reading I write a 'truth bomb' in my planner. Today's, written above, was a huge wake up call.

As a natural born encourager, I try to use my words to build others up. Sometimes I fail at that because I project my own insecurities on others. This generally effects only those who live with me. Others? No. I will use every ounce of motivational speech I can to keep someone going, reminding them of their calling, and God's capabilities. But myself? Well, read the quote again.

It didn't occur to me until reading The Last Arrow by Erwin McManus just how frequently I give up on myself. It's not typically a deliberate decision to stop pursuing something, but more often a change in behavior that halts forward progress and likely leads to some serious back-sliding. 

Colossians 4:6 exhorts us to Let our conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that we can know how to answer everyone. The difficulty in this, at least for me, is not in knowing how to answer others, but more so in figuring out what questions I need to ask myself so that I don't quit when things get tough and to keep the words I speak to myself grace-filled.

But at the root of this issue is the fact that I'm still trying to manage it all on my own. And when I am tempted to give up on myself, I am truly giving up on the Spirit in me, Jesus' declaration to never leave me, and God's promise to complete me. 

Romans 8:11 tells us that the same spirit that rose Jesus from the grave lives in us and will give life to our mortal bodies. We aren't responspible for maintaining our vitality or effectiveness. When we get out of the Spirit's way, it works in us to accomplish things, we just need to follow where it leads. 

Not only that, but Jesus tells us in Matthew 28:20 that surely He is with us always, to the end of the age. He's not abandoning ship because we're moving to slow or sailing against the wind, He's calling us to get out of the boat and walk with Him on the water.

And finally, in His gracious love, God has promised that no matter what, He will finish what He began. Granted it will likely take more than 6 days for Him to be done with His work in us, but when He is, we are guaranteed that He is going to declare it very good because He doesn't do anything that falls short of His expectations or plans.

As women we come down hard on ourselves. We want to stop when it's hard and we see other opportunities where our time can be more productive or fruitful. But if we are walking away from what's hard for what's easy, we are also deciding to live where we can do more on our own because we need God less. But we aren't giving up on ourselves alone, we're giving up on God.

So let's move forward bravely. Let's ask ourselves why we started in the first place. Let's dream with God about what we want out of it and believe He has much more in store. And let's hold our hearts gently, whispering truth when it's easier to believe lies. And maybe this time we'll not only see something through to the end, but we'll give others permission to do the same.


Friday, August 18, 2017

Unpleasing

James never holds back, much like Paul. Today, I got a one-two punch.

This morning I read Colossians 3:8 where God, through Paul, told me I must now rid myself of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from my lips.

But see when Paul wrote that, cars didn't exist. Drivers riding your tail weren't a thing. And people didn't honk their horns because you took a turn too slowly for their taste so as not to put the front of your car into the back end of a mass-transit bus.

The problem is that James reminded me shortly after the great honking episode that I am to not merely listen to the word and so deceive myself, but to do what it says.

Now, if you aren't familiar with John Crist, he is a funny, funny guy. He has a video titled When the Road Rage Doesn't Match the Playlist.  




You're welcome. 

Thankfully the kids weren't in the car with me this morning. But if you have any suggestions about how not to squash the Spirit when behind the wheel of a car, I'm taking them. Give me a lot. I have issues. 


Thursday, August 17, 2017

When I Don't Feel Pretty

Imagine for a moment that you have an event you are attending. Regardless of what the event is or who you are going with, what you are wearing is perfect. If it's an evening gown, you don't need Spanks, if it's jeans, there is no waist gap. Your hair has been flawlessly styled in way that will not result in a headache from being pulled up or back and will not require 3 shampoos to remove every styling product known to mankind. Your nails have been perfectly manicured and will not chip or break. Your makeup is been applied by an artist that gave you the eye look you have made less than pinterest worthy attempts to repeat yourself. Everything about your appearance is stunning perfection and you feel absolutely beautiful. 

And then 'it' happens. (take 'it' for what you will)

Your child forgot to pick up a toy that you missed and twisted your ankle trying to catch your balance and caused a small tear in the seam of your clothing. The rain has started to come down sideways and no umbrella in the world is going to protect the masterpiece upon your head. The phone rings with unexpected devastating news and now your mascara is clumping in the corners of your eyes making them burn and tear furiously. And then someone asks you an innocent question and you break. Into a thousand pieces, scattered everywhere. And all the kings horsemen and all the kings men have no hope of putting you back together again.

Years ago I read somewhere that the way to tell if you have a good man is to see how he handles lost luggage or tangled Christmas tree lights. I have no idea why those are the qualifying circumstances. But apparently how a man handles those particular situations are key in gaining insight to his personality.

Women? No such litmus test exists. We are way too complicated in what we want and don't want at the same time that anything is likely to set us off in untold ways and no standardization is possible to name. But we all have our things, don't we? Unique as they are to each of us, they exist and they are ugly.

This morning played out much like this scenario for me. I woke up early thinking I was doing good. I had horrible writer's block and then my 14 year old woke up. I still hadn't finished the post I had started writing when the spoon clanging on the bowl started. Deciding to stop writing and start exercising instead, I was taking out my frustration throwing punches in the air and doing pushups harder and faster than was probably wise. This was only making matters worse because I know I am getting weaker right now not stronger and the difficulty of continuing was deteriorating my mood even faster. Then came the knock at the door which my son did not hear because of his headphones and now I am loudly encouraging him to answer the door which he did not hear 3 times. Why? Because I wasn't about to stop. I had to keep going. By this time I am full-blown ugly, feeling untold amounts of guilt, and disgusted that earlier I had written in my journal that "fruit is the key...what are your actions or inactions producing?"

And here's the thing. We all deal with this. I know I'm not the only one. But I wonder if this is what is part of the key to abiding. Is it the realization that when the ugly comes out we need to claim the promise that Jesus will never leave us nor forsake and that He is right there with us, ready to clean up our mess, calm us back down, and put us back together again? Is that what helps us understand? Paying attention to our ugly to see His beautiful?

As I sit here reflecting on all of this, I am reminded of the words I read in 1 Peter 3 on Saturday: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair or gold jewelry or fine clothes, but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God's sight." 

No matter how we pretty it up, no matter how flawless or fancy our clothes and accessories may be, if it only takes a minor inconvenience or disruption to cause an explosion, we are in a heap of trouble. Let's make our prayer today to trust that we don't have to hold it all together on our own and that what disrupts us is being given as grace to remind us that He is always with us.


Wednesday, August 16, 2017

It's a Mystery to Me

I am not a huge TV person. The thought of binge-watching Netflix baffles me. Now, could I binge-watch the Twilight movies or Harry Potter? Yes. Could I go through all of the Kendrick Brothers movies in a day? Without a doubt. But there aren't a lot of tv shows I could sit and watch for hours on end. Certain episodes for sure, but not entire seasons. I like the ones I like and stick to those.

One of those shows I can watch is Castle. Sadly it's not on any longer. It was a crime-solving dramedy that had two persistent story lines. One involved a serial killer, the other an unsolved murder. As the storylines unfolded over 8 glorious seasons, the mystery never lost its appeal with me. The mystery always kept me coming back for more.

As I will read Day 30 of Abiding in Christ tomorrow morning, I must say, the mystery of abiding is still driving me crazy. Not because I don't understand how it's supposed to happen, but how I will know it is happening. This tiny little devotional is challenging me on such deep levels because the truth is, when it comes to abiding, you can't know if you're doing it right or not. Jesus is just holding on to you and you are blindly trusting that knowledge in faith. It remains mysterious from start to finish.

What I didn't realize until today is that my struggle with this does not stem from the mystery of it all. No, because then I could just pray for my heart to fully accept that the secret things belong to God. Instead this is all about approval addiction and desperately wanting to believe that I can do this right, or more right, and control issues because I want to make sure it's happening, not just trust that it is. Clearly I have some deep-seated issues.

Day 29 of the devotional ends with this: "Jesus Christ will indeed take possession of you and dwell in you; and in the restfulness, peace, and grace of the new life, you will have unceasing joy at the wondrous exchange that has been made - the coming out of self to abide in Christ alone." What's not shocking about this notion is that my experience has been exactly this. I think that I'm not there, I assume that I am not growing in Christ, I feel like I am not doing enough, and then He reminds me of all He's done in and through me as I just kept going, doing what He'd been assigning, and somehow without my knowledge or intentional participation, He'd been making things happen. It's wonderful, but to be honest, kind of annoying, too.

The great temptation in all of this is to try and figure it out. To grab that apple with both hands and consume the entire thing, thinking that my knowledge of the inner-workings of God will somehow enhance my relationship with Him. But if I attempt to put Him in a box and reduce Him to an equation whose formula I can do without hesitation, I won't be making Him bigger, I'll be continually making Him smaller and in the process lose every ounce of awe I expereince when He reveals what He's done. And worse yet, I'll try to repeat it over and over and over again to get an experience of God rather than an encounter with God. Ouch.

The struggle to know more, or as much as we can, isn't new. That started way before our time. But maybe instead of repeating the same foolish mistakes made in the garden, we can learn a lesson and accept that some things are better left as a mystery. And rather than ignore it, we can marvel at it, and truly worship the God who chooses to reveal Himself strategically to grow our faith.


Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Spoiled Brat

I have never been one to truly look at God as my Father in heaven. Is He? Absolutely. But I suppose I have always been more inclined to see Him as an authority figure on my life than my Dad.

That said, I had to pray this morning in acknowledging the fact that I am acting like a spoiled brat. To be honest, I am a very selfish person. I like 'my time' to do the things I want to do. I have things I'd like to get accomplished and when other things hinder those plans, regardless of who scheduled them, I tend to get whiny.

Now, did I realize I was acting like this as soon as I woke up? Oh heavens no. But then this happened:

First I was reminded through the devotional app I read that if I am experiencing feeling busy, overwhelmed, exhausted, burnt out, or discontent, it is likely because I am doing things that are not important in the scheme of things and am putting things on myself that I have not been assigned. There may have also been a reference to wearing a surrendered costume that made me think I am still parading around with Wonder Woman UnderRoos on under my clothes instead of putting on the yoke Jesus offers me.

Second I was told that I am not supposed to be anxious about anything and to only think about the good things. This is difficult when I see what I was most looking forward to completely stripped away.

Third I had to acknowledge the fact that by acting like a spoiled child I am not doing anything to add goodness to my faith, knowledge to my goodness, self-control to knowledge, perseverance to self-control, godliness to perseverance, mutual affection to godliness, and definitely not love to mutual affection. As a matter of fact there is more of a decrease than anything and I am stumbling all over the place.

As if that weren't enough, this horrid attitude is keeping my eyes shut to the fact that I am not living as Jesus did giving thanks regardless of His circumstances and am flat out attempting to refuse what God is trying to give me. If He's giving this schedule, why on earth am I even bothering to resist? Oh, that's right. I'm a spoiled brat.

And just to prove His point, I was not so subtly reminded that "the believing disciple learns to look upon Christ on the throne, and when he thinks of his own inner life, and longs for holiness, to live a life well-pleasing to God, or for power to do the Father's work, he looks up, and rejoicing that Christ is his life, he confidently acts on the assurance that Christ's life will work mightily in him all he needs." Except the struggle is real and I have not even for a moment thought about looking up and giving thanks.

But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession because sometimes you need Him to lead you to the aroma that you need more than anyone else around you.

Sometimes I think I repeat myself way too much when it comes to posts that talk about surrendering to His will rather than pursuing my own. But maybe that's because, like me, you struggle with this, too. So, if that's the case, I'm sorry to say that maybe we both need to revoke our memberships to the spoiled brat club. Because honestly, it's not a happy club. It's miserable. And maybe, just maybe, if we take these words to heart and commit to praying for each other, we'll go from spoiled brats to children of the light and have the heavy burdens we've put on ourselves removed.


Monday, August 14, 2017

Leaders of the Pack



Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, watching over 
them - not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants 
you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording 
it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 
1 Peter 5:2-3

When we read verses like this, it's pretty easy to think they don't apply to us because we aren't all pastors or elders. Or are we?

As children of the light, we are all given positions of influence. Not a single one of us is free from responsibility to those whose lives intersect with ours. We haven't been put on this earth to draw breath until our breath has been taken, but rather to make a difference for the kingdom of God.

So if we have been entrusted to shepherd those under our care, who is under our care? Everyone. Plain and simple. If we have an interaction, an encounter, an experience, or an engagement with another human being, they are under our care. Not necessarily under our leadership or direction unless we've been given a position like that, but most definitely under our care. And just so you know, we are under theirs.

As believers we are meant to live in community, not isolation. We are supposed to watch out for each other so that we can prevent stumbles, falls, and downward spirals that lead no place good. And we are also meant to encourage and spur one another on to good works.  None of this is to be pursued for selfish gain because this isn't about making our lives easier when others are doing what they should. This is about kingdom impact and God's glory. Being examples for those weaker in the faith, those not sure what they believe, and especially those who are outside looking in.

The problem is that we are all so busy that we aren't taking this charge seriously. We have social media that lets us think we're connecting with others but we really aren't. We don't ask deep questions because we say it's none of our business. We ignore the promptings of the Spirit to speak the truth in love because we might overstep or offend. And we believe that if we get too close to the pain or discomfort of another it will be our downfall. Since when does loving others well bow down to fear?

Living out this truth isn't going to come easily, but difficulty doesn't absolve us from responsibility. Thankfully we don't have to do this in our own strength. And with resurrection power living inside of us, we need only to tap into it and watch God move through our obedience.

Father, forgive us for the times we get lax about loving others the way You expect us to. We get so wrapped up in our own lives and fear because we don't want to appear over-bearing or intrusive. Remind us that You call us to live in community, to share and carry each others burdens, and to do all of this willingly to serve in Your name. Give us the wisdom we need to always direct each other back to You. Amen. 

Sunday, August 13, 2017

In Your Name

When I wrote yesterday's post, I had no idea what the days events were. Anyone who knows me knows I don't watch the news, read the paper, or give a lot of attention to what the media is reporting. Why? Because it horrifies me. We live in a time and place in history where we can see, live, the deplorable things people do to each other for reasons I can't wrap my mind around.

So how do we handle Paul's words when we have people using the name of God and the word of God to do unspeakable acts of violence? Honestly, I don't know. This has got to be one of the greatest struggles I have. Because I want to see people, all people, as children of God. But when they don't act like it, when they say things that would never make our Father in heaven happy, when they use His name to justify hatred, bigotry, and violence, I don't know how to do it. I really, honestly, don't.

All I do know is that I have to trust God. I have to believe that someone out there will take the wretched things that are being said and search the Word of God for themselves, find what He really says on the pages of Sciprture, and trust Him, not those that defile His Words. Does that make me naive? Maybe. Does that mean I'm too optimistic? Possibly. Does that sound like something God could do out of something ugly? Absolutely.

I have personally never known the type of hatred that exists in our world. All I know is that it breaks the heart of God to see His children, all of them, fighting. God does not see color when He looks at His children. He sees His creation, made exactly the way He designed it: magnificent, intentional,  beautiful, and purposeful. But in this world, whether by choice or circumstances, it has been marred. What He knit together and declared very good now does very bad things to others He also declared very good. And I don't understand it. I will never understand it.

I don't have solutions or suggestions or magic tricks that can make hatred go away. I have God. And above all else, I trust Him. I have known Him to do miraculous things in the midst of tragedy. And I know that as in all things, somehow, His name can be glorified in spite of the division Satan continues to spread. And as His hands and feet, it is our job to stand in the gap and love others well. Even when it's hard. Even when our hearts are breaking. Even when we don't have words. May our actions reflect the love of God and Jesus more than anything else.

Father, I don't understand hatred. I don't get why anyone uses Your name, a name that is wrapped and bound in indescribable love, to justify what You clearly stand against. Lord, I don't know the answer, but I pray that You will take the light that You have graciously put in each of us and make it shine brighter than ever as Your sons and daughters. Show us practical ways to be Your hands and feet in loving others well, united against division. Help us Lord, because when things like this happen, we just don't know what to do. We ask all these things in the precious, healing, and powerful name of Jesus Christ. Amen.


Saturday, August 12, 2017

The Great Commission

As humans covered in flesh with hearts that are divided and judgemental, it is difficult to hear someone we do not respect as a person quote Scripture. It's too easy for us to ignore the beauty of the words they are saying because they are in a package we wouldn't want delivered to our door. And what makes it worse, is that we often stand in self-righteous indignation if we think their hearts aren't sincere. I know this because I was recently confronted with this particular sin in my own life.

While I sit before you writing, I am able to say that I do not believe that what the person was saying was Biblical; however, I do not, and did not, have the authority to judge them or what I thought would cast a bad reflection on me or anyone I know, that as a Christian, would disagree with their words. 

When we read the words of Paul to the Phillipians in chapter 1, he tells us about those that preach for the wrong reasons (selfish ambition), but that in reality it shouldn't matter as long as Christ is being preached. The words are what matter, not the deliverer. Additionally, if we believe the words Isaiah wrote in Chapter 55, we should be comforted to know that God's word will accomplish the purpose for which He sent it, not the damage we think it will do because of the person who said it.

But I want to issue a few not so simple challenges for us. First, when we hear the word of God preached from someone we think could do it harm, we need to immediately stop and pray for ourselves. #RemoveThatPlank Second, after we realize our judgement, pray for God to reveal to us why we feel this way. Third, stop to thank God for His promise to let that word do what He means for it to do, not the damage we are assuming it will do. Fourth, ask God for eyes to see that person as He sees them. And finally, be thankful that our ears are sensitive enough to the word of God that something unsettling was apparant. 

As Paul continues his letter to the Philippians, he exhorts us to conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Jesus' message was for all and while we may have human inclinations to want it only to be held by those we hold in esteem, we need to remember that God holds us all in esteem and that the Great Commission was for all not the few.

I am in no way proud of my reaction the other day, and to be honest it was purely selfish and prideful because I thought this person's interpretation of Christianity was going to make me look bad. Ugly, I know. And so rather than dwell on my fault, I will move forward in grace, aware of my shortcomings, and thanking God that His word was put forth in the first place. Because His word going out is all that really matters anyway.


Friday, August 11, 2017

Let It Go

"In distinctly separating each day, we are given the chance to LET GO of
mistakes, things we regret and things we didn't get right." Daniel Bartlett

As we go through our waking hours, we all face the temptation to wish it away, to end it quicker than it will naturally come, and to want to the new mercies of tomorrow morning by crawling back in to bed and declaring the day done.

Heaven knows I've been there. Sometimes by 7:00 A.M.

I would be willing to guess that most of us don't come to the end of our day with a time of reflection. We seem to be pretty good at starting our day with God, but the ending part? Not so much. Likely because we are tired, unfocused, and worn out from trying to start to early, do too much, and not resting periodically throughout the day.

But if we continue on this pattern, our mornings can't be transformed. The more I read the quote above (ironically from the trainer I use), the more I realized that without taking the time at night to allow God to work on my heart while I sleep because I laid it all out before I close my eyes, the pattern of starting each day spiritually behind will continue. Why? Because I will still wake up feeling defeated from yesterday's shortcomings and with a focus of doing better, trying harder, being more consistent today.

When God created everything, He did it with order and intention. And the hours we spend in the dark, are meant to be restorative, not haunting. But if we take what we regret from the day to bed with us, all it's going to do is taunt us when the lights are out, either with eyes that won't stay closed, thoughts that keep reliving what could have been done better, or dreams that frighten.

So perhaps instead of continuing with this madness, we should be taking, at the very least, the two minutes we brush our teeth to end our day with thanks to God for allowing both the good and the bad as an opportunity to grow closer to Him and see the reality of His grace. We know we aren't to let the sun set on our anger and give the devil a foothold, but maybe we need to stop letting it set on our regret, too and giving him that same foothold.

At the end of the post I quoted above was this final sentiment: "By letting go of the past, we free ourselves to seize the opportunities to make the difference we want in the new dawn." In other words, if we go to God confidently and receive His mercy and forgiveness at the end of the day, we can no longer hold ourselves bound to what He has forgiven. Maybe then we'll not only get His peace to flood our hearts, but also a restful night's sleep.


Thursday, August 10, 2017

Genuine Faith

"Counting one thousand gifts means counting the hard things
otherwise I've miscounted." Ann Voskamp

When you think about sending a thank you note, in order for it to be truly sincere, you should be truly thankful for what you've been given. It's hard to say thank you when what you now own isn't something you would have put on a wish list or registry.

But when it comes to the gifts God gives us, we are to be thankful for everything. Even the hard things. Probably especially the hard things.

1 Peter 1:6-9 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

When we read a verse like this, it's tempting to just accept it for what it is, God's truth, and move past it without letting it deeply effect us with its incredible depth. There is one part we need to focus on, though, that has the potential to change everything about our perspective: the salvation of our souls.

For years, every time I saw the word "salvation" I operated under the assumption that it meant being saved from hell. It wasn't until I actually read a definition of it that the reality of this word opened the eyes of my heart and let me see what a gift salvation really, truly is.

"The Biblical idea of salvation involves three notions. First is the rescue from danger, harm, or even death of an individual, group, or nation. Most specifically salvation is the rescue from sin and death. Second is the renewing of the Spirit. Scripture explains that humanity fell from the original condition of moral purity into the state of sin. God's salvation always renews the spirit of a person to lead a life that is morally pleasing to Him. Third is the restoration of a right relationship with God. One of the effects of sin is separation from God. The written word of God makes clear that salvation restores one's relationship with God. (Romans 5:10)" Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary

The verses in 1 Peter take on an entirely new depth when we consider that the ultimate goal of our trials is for the end result of our faith, the salvation of our souls.

When we think about a symphony performing, if one particular section is playing the wrong part or heaven forbid the wrong song, the resulting sound is going to go from a beautiful melody filled with amazing harmonies to one that can only be described as noise. It will be unpleasant and certainly not enjoyable. When we face trials, they could be likened to the conductor attempting to get the off-track musicians back on the right page in the correct measure of music thus resulting in joyful noise once again. 

I truly believe that we when feel off, it's because something deep within us, our soul, knows it isn't in the right place, and that whatever put it there, needs to be corrected. The greater our resistance, the worse we feel. However, if we endure the trial, seeking God through it because our faith trusts and believes Him, and through submission accepts His direction, the result is a soul that has received its rescue, renewal, and restoration.

The problem is that we all have something within us that resists the difficult. We prefer the easy because so much of what we see in the world around us is hard and the last thing we want is great inner struggles over the little things that bring us comfort that are actually making matters worse. But it's also through these things that we get to experience the comfort of God. 

"The greatest gift we can ever receive is the gift of losing our earthly security and comfort 
so that we can unwrap the intimacy of the Savior and His heavenly comfort."  Ann Voskamp

But that makes us sqeamish to say the least.

The reality is that this will never come naturally to us. Part of it is probably because our view of God still has distortions based on our past sin and any unresolved fears that He's still waiting to drop the hammer at some point for that thing we did as a kid, in college, or for our first parenting fail. Or maybe that's just me. But if we take the whole of our lives and look back to see the good He's brought from the bad, and realize those things were trials that brought us closer to Him, that alone can increase our faith that this time will be the same. He is afterall unchanging.

Salvation, even with a clear definition, is a difficult concept to grasp because it is dependent on our ability to wrap our minds around just how gracious God is. We need to stop looking in mirrors and seeing our sin and instead see a child that is lavishly, unconditionally, and madly loved. If we can even begin to see glimpses of His vision in ourselves and others, not only would we respond with humility, but we could begin to live out Peter's exhortation to be holy as He is holy. 


Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Weather Predictions

One of the greatest joys in my life is watching the weather forecast in winter. There are many superstitions in our local area regarding the possibility of a snow-day being called and the kids getting an unexpected day off. First, we are to sleep with spoons under our pillows, next we wear our pajamas at least inside-out and if possible backwards, and finally, we flush an ice-cube or two in the toilet. Rarely does this work, but it is a joyous occasion when it does.

Unfortunately, the predictions of the weather calling for at least enough snow to get us the minimal two-hour delay are often about as reliable as a lottery ticket when the jackpot reaches in excess of $500 million. Hearts are broken, attitudes are poor, and disgust generally defines the emotional reality of the morning when there is no snow on the ground. And that's all before I even wake up my kids on-time to get ready for the day.

What we can count on, though, are the words of Jesus. In John 16:33 Jesus tells us, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Now, I will be the first to admit that people make mistakes. I will also willingly acknowledge that just because "a" does not mean "b" must happen. Will it? Quite probably, but maybe not. There is always hope.

Last Friday I had to have my lab work done in preparation for a doctor's appointment. One of the markers that is checked for lupus is called ds-DNA. It is an indication of lupus activity. Typically there are other markers that would appear in my lab work if it's active that did not show. However this marker, the ds-DNA, a positive is considered anything above 9. Since getting under control in late 2008, the highest I have seen mine has been 22. For that period of time, that's really excellent considering at some points, it's been negative in activity, meaning the level was 8. Friday's results? 179. You know what they say, Go Big or Go Home.

When things like this happen, particularly after such a long period of repreive, we have to ask ourselves are we really only willing to accept the good and not the bad? And while the chances of this being a lab error aren't likely to be in my favor, I am still holding out hope until it can be repeated to be sure. But with the looming prospect of what my life looked like all those years hanging in the balance, I can honestly say, I'm not super excited about the storm that appears to be brewing off the coast.

But these are the moments that the hope of what we know come to mean the most. I told a friend yesterday that I don't have time for this. School will be starting in a few weeks, the cross-country season is upon us, my daughter wants to do water-polo, I'm helping a neighbor regularly, I am anxious to get back to volunteering, and Bible study will start on Friday mornings. This really isn't an opportune time to have difficulty staying awake. (I used to get so tired from taking a shower I had to nap.)

Again though, I have to ask myself, do I trust the God who is in control, or myself who pretends to have some?

What's interesting about this unexpected turn of events is that I have an incredible sense of peace. Not because I think the road will look exactly the same as it did last time (although the hair loss that has been happening could certainly be indicative of one similarity), but because the same Jesus that walked with me holding my hand before is the same one that will see me through it this time around, if that's what's coming. (I clearly have not given up hope that it's a mistake. I really, really, really want it to be a mistake.)

My encouragement for all of us today is to believe His words. Cling to them as if our lives depend on them because they do. We can not accept defeat from anything if we know He has clearly been victorious on our behalf. When you look at the list of these things it is extensive and all inclusive. This isn't a sissy list, it's the hard stuff. The stuff that will make you but can never break you because it doesn't have the authority to do so.

Wherever we find ourselves today, whatever unexpected additional news pops up, I pray that we will all stop immediately when it comes and take a minute to remember that whatever storm we are preparing to face, or is threatening us with thunder and lightning in the distance, that God can stop it before it starts. If the wind and waves still know His name, we can always say It is well.