Harmony

The problem with reading a lot of books is that sometimes you remember reading something that you want to quote properly and you have no idea where on earth it was. That said....

In some book I have read in the last three months it talked about how marriage is one of the things that God uses to refine us. (It also mentioned kids.) Why? Because nothing will bring out the best and worst in us like living in close quarters with others. Beyond that, it will also bring out the deepest things we believe about ourselves.

I have learned over the course of the last 18+ months that I try to be really independent in a lot of ways. I don't like asking for help. Most of this is based on the fact that I don't want to appear needy or high maintenance, but a lot of it has to do with fear of rejection as well. Now, in the case of my husband, this is a ridiculously unfounded fear, but deep down, way deep down, it's still there to an extent.

But yesterday, I reached a turning point. I had such a horrible headache. I mean, it was b.a.d. So, I asked him to rub out the tension in my upper back. Now this I have asked for before but I always reserve this for when it's so bad I can't stand it anymore.  Shortly after this, he offered to get our kids from practice. Now, I really hate asking him for help on his days off because I feel like he works so hard he shouldn't have to do anything. But I actually said ok and then put myself in a scalding hot shower. Y'all, I probably came out pink but couldn't tell because there were no lights on. And slowly but surely, I was starting to feel better and was back to normal (as normal as I can be) within an hour.

Now, if marriage is the analogy we are given as the bride of Christ, what does all this say about me as a wife?

1. I will attempt to do it all myself until I can't. (not good)
2. I will only ask for help in a last ditch effort. (not good)
3. I will humbly say thank you, repeatedly, for what I think you shouldn't have had to do in the first place if I had managed things better on my own.

And, if marriage is the analogy we are given as the bride of Christ, what can I learn about Jesus from the actions of my better, much wiser, other half?

1. He wants to help.
2. He doesn't expect me to do it all.
3. He doesn't need me to thank him millions of times for doing what he was more than happy to do in the first place.

Tucked in towards the end of Deuteronomy 5 is this verse If only they had such a heart to fear me and keep all my commands (v.29 CSB, emphasis mine).

Do you know what command I think most of us have the hardest time following? The one where Jesus says Come to Me. 

On Monday, I did do exactly that. I went to Him. It's what I wrote about yesterday. But scarily on Tuesday, the man God put in my life to treat me as Christ did the church, I didn't want to go to until things became so unbearable I finally had to ask for help.

So, why share this? Accountability. Encouragement to remember that not a single one of us learns a lesson one day and is able to apply it the next. And mostly as a friendly reminder to consider that everytime we don't ask for the help we need, we are robbing someone else of the chance to be the hands and feet of Jesus in our lives.

I have no clue what any of us are going to come face to face with today. But I do know that God not only wants us to run to Him for help, but He also wants us to turn to those He put in our lives for reasons and seasons we can't comprehend. The body is meant to function together, with all parts working in harmony. Let's stop trying to be a one-man band.

The First Time

Yesterday was interesting. I can't describe it, but I think from reading No More Faking Fine something was unleashed in me that I forgot ever existed. I know it was there a long time ago, in one capacity or another, but yesterday it emerged in adult form. And honestly, I am still turning this over in my head.

I stood up for myself yesterday. Not in a cruel or in a demeaning way, but I verbalized that I was not going to continue a discussion that was not going to be productive and asked to change the subject. I was feeling verbally attacked and decided I was not going to let it continue. Y'all, you just don't even know. 

And then, after it was over, I lamented! Seriously, that is what I did. My verse for the day (not coincidentally) in the Adoration plan for March was Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble and my very first sentence in my prayer was: Lord, I am so angry right now I could scream at the top of my lungs! 

So, I stood up for myself, took my frustration directly to God instead of excusing the behavior, hashed it out with God, and then prayed for myself to see the other person's concern in their words and to see them as God sees them, not my perspective. Seriously, you must try this. It was incredible.

What's really interesting though is what happened a little while later. I was rereading 2 Samuel 15-18 because those chapters illustrate the backstory of Psalm 3, a lament David wrote when his son Absalom had turned against him. Because a plan had been created to stop the takeover, David's friend Hushai was giving advice meant to derail David's pursuers and he described David and his men as warriors and desperate like a wild bear robbed of her cubs (2 Samuel 17:8 CSB) to those who were attempting to capture and defeat him. And it made me think: when do we become warriors that feel desperate and like a wild bear robbed of her cubs?

I can say without a doubt I felt that way yesterday. And I didn't like it, at all. But just like the Psalm prayer I had journaled before I read these words, God was my refuge and strength, my helper in a time of trouble.

The last thing I want is to let my emotions get the best of me. But I also don't want to deny my feelings anymore. And while it took several weeks for me to take something directly to Jesus to deal with it instead of dressing the wound with a bandage that won't stick or promote healing, I actually did it. What's really amazing is that this was the challenge I issued for all of us during this season of Lent. And here I was, 20 days in, finally doing it.

I will say from a conversation I had a little later in the day, there is a part of me that wonders if I had let the discussion continue on its current course if I would have ended up in tears. I dare to dream. But whether or not I would have, I will celebrate the fact that I learned some pretty incredible lessons about God I want to share.

1. He knows exactly what's coming and He has the ability to set things in motion to help us do what we've been unable (or unwilling) to do before.

2. He will use everything to teach us something about Himself, ourselves, and what He is working out in us.

And finally,

3. As much as we might want to force our plan and timing, He knows exactly what preparations must be completed to help a truth come to life and (hopefully) stick around for the long haul.

Now, I am not going to advocate that any of us create opporutnities to pick a fight so we can put this all into practice (the lamenting part and turning to God in our times of trouble), but I am praying that sharing what happened with me will help all of us remember just how incredible our God is to put things together in ways only He can. The key is we have to pay attention to everything that's happening and be still long enough to know that He is God.

Right Now

Last week I ran into the director to the preschool my kids attended. I love this woman so much. She is such a reflection of Christ it blows me away. As we were catching up she asked me if my kids might be willing to write a statement about what God is doing in their lives right now and submit it to her for the preschool's twenty-fifth anniversary. I mentioned it to the kids and they both were happy to do it. Needless to say, I have one statement ready and one I am waiting for. But that doesn't really surprise me in the least. Not because the one who hasn't written it is procrastinating, but because the one who hasn't written it doesn't know what to say.

I wonder how many of us, if asked what God is doing in our lives right now, in this particular season, could answer that question without hesitation. I also wonder how many of us, if asked what God has done in our lives over the last six months, year, or five years, could answer that question without having to think about it.

This morning I started Deuteronomy. I must say, for all the books of the Bible, I honestly think this one is my favorite. It is so rich in promises, warnings, hope, and reminders. And let's be honest, we need all of those things, some disproportionately more than others. But if there's one thing we can take with us from this book, it's that we need to remind ourselves consistently of what God has done so that when we are faced with something in the present or future, we can (hopefully) move forward without hesitation.

In Deuteronomy 1:29-33 CSB Moses said to the people: Don't be terrified or afraid of them! The LORD your God who goes before you will fight for you, just as you saw Him do for you in Egypt. And you saw in the wilderness how the LORD your God carried you as a man carries his son all along the way you traveled until you reached this place. But in spite of this you did not trust the LORD your God, who went before you on the journey to seek out a place for you to camp. He went in the fire by night and in the cloud by day to guide you on the road you were to travel. (emphasis mine)

Granted most of us have not wandered around a desert for forty years. And true, most of us did not escape slavery under a cruel ruler and see frogs, blood, locusts, gnats, and the like in an attempt to free us. But, as children of God saved by the blood of Jesus from sin and death, we have been made free spiritually and we know exactly which chains have fallen off and which ones still need loosed forever once we step into our promised land.

Personally, I don't think our greatest obstacle is a lack of self-control or desire, it's lack of belief that we can actually be set free because we forget how free we've already been made and that the freedom we have wasn't something we truly attained on our own. We had help and a lot of it.

As I was doing my makeup yesterday morning it occurred to me that my greatest struggle, the battle I still face daily, I have been trying to win on my own, devising my own plans or idolizing the plans of others in order to get what I am working towards. Why? Because I can't seem to remember that any freedom I have was given as the LORD fought for me, carried me, and went before me on the journey. It's not that I didn't have a part in it, but I surely was not leading it. And this one, I've been trying to win all on my own.

So, to circle back around to the question my kids were asked to answer, this is what God is doing in my life, in this season, right now.....(and yes, I too had to really think about my answer)

He is showing me that my Type A personality needs to be fully submitted to Him in every area of my life.

He is showing me that I need to intentionally think about how far He has brought me and remind me that I didn't get where I am on my own. (well, the good places, the ones I don't want to be in, that was pretty much all me)

And He's showing me that I have a few burning bushes He's trying to speak through and I need to slow down, turn my head, look at them, and then stop talking so I can hear Him clearly.

So now I turn it to you. If someone were to ask you today what God is doing in your life right now, what would you say? Maybe our responses will not only help propel us forward but also remind us of how faithful our God is and give us the ability to move forward unafraid and encouraged.

Sabbath Rest

Weekly Recap ~ February 26 thru March 2

Happy Saturday! Hope you have lots of fun things planned to do and a scheduled time to rest. Each blog post is linked through the picture. See you Monday!

Monday, February 26

Moving requires a lot of work, planning, and purging. And moving into our promised lands will be no different.

Tuesday, February 27

Our ability to remember is stronger than we realize which is why we have to make sure we are remembering correctly.

Wednesday, February 28

What would happen if we just let God be God?

Thursday, March 1

Numbers + John + Luke = A beautiful truth

Friday, March 2

Stars + birds + divine voices = Confident faith

Doubts

I started a new book yesterday, Not God Enough by JD Greear. In this book he shared two things that completely blew me away and I think are perfect thoughts to head into the weekend contemplating.

1. There are three septillion stars. That looks like this: 3000000000000000000000000000000. He reminds the reader that in Isaiah 40:26 God calls each of them by name. What I realized is that not only does God know all three septillion names, He knows where He placed each one and what each one looks like. If you put me in the middle of my high school reunion, I don't know that I could name every person I spent about four years with. There are times I look at my kids and call them the wrong name and I only have two.

2. This statement, while preceeding the one about the stars, made me feel significantly better about the moments, hours, and days I have my doubts. He shares that even John the Baptist had doubts about whether or not Jesus was the promised Messiah and this was after seeing the Spirit of God descend upon Him like a dove and hearing the voice of God declare, "This is my beloved Son". After seeing a manifestation of the third person of the Trinity while standing in front of the second and hearing the voice of the first....p. 26

So here are the questions we can ponder this weekend:

If God has the ability to not only create that many stars, but also name, place, and locate said stars at any given time, why on earth do we ever doubt He is capable of taking care of us and take matters into our own hands? What areas do we take matters into our own hands? How has that ever worked out to our advantage?

If John the Baptist had his moments of doubt, how normal does it make the rest of us, not having had the benefit of witnessing what he saw or leaping while still inside our mother's upon hearing the voice of Mary? In what ways has God revealed Himself to us that we haven't thought about for a while that we need to intentionally remember? Why is it important to remember those things more often? What would be the benefit of telling those things to someone else considering Romans 10:17 that says faith comes by hearing?

I hope you all have a blessed weekend. Sorry if I made your head hurt. (sort of) I'm going to get some advil myself right now.

Unchangeable

One of the beautiful things about reading the Old Testament is when you see it come together with something in the New Testament in a profound display that builds your faith.

One of the things I think many of us struggle with is that we believe God changes His mind, and not to our advantage. We hear a promise, decipher it according to our liking, and then eagerly await its fulfillment. Sadly things rarely work out quite that neatly. Unfortunately it tends to taint our view of God.

What's worse is we seem to struggle with what appear to be contradictions. Job says God gives and takes away, but if God doesn't change His mind, how do we reconcile a status difference?

I do not have some deeply theological answer, but I do have life expereince, and this is what I have discovered.

Sometimes God gives something because at that moment it is truly what's best. Then when it's no longer best, we experience a blessed subtraction, or what Jesus refers to as pruning. The problem is we tend to be creatures of habit and we don't always adapt well to the new normal. Truth be told, most of us hate it. Having just finished an incredible book all about lament, I now realize that those differences should be taken directly to God instead of just stuffing it all down and moving on which creates the perfect environment for a bitter root to grow. There is no Scripture that says get over it, but there are numerous invitations to come to, or return to, God for help. There is a reason for that.

But I think what's most helpful is to take a look at Jesus' words and really contemplate them. Because as much as He might have looked like us (human form), He certainly did not act like us.

John 14:27 (CSB) says Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Don't let your heart be troubled or fearful. (emphasis mine)

I don't know how many times I have heard or read that verse over the years, but I can tell you that it fell fresh this morning. 

Numbers 23:19 (CSB) says God is not a man, that He might lie, or a son of man, that He might change His mind. Does He speak and not act, or promise and not fulfill? While all of this might seem unrelated, there is a story in Luke that ties it all together. 

In Luke 17:11-19, Jesus heals ten lepers. (the story is linked for you to read if you don't have your Bible handy) Anyway, only one of them turns back to say thank you and glorify God. And yes, Jesus does ask the one where the other nine are. Now, we can reasonably assume they continued on their trek to the priests to show themselves because that's what Jesus told them to do. However, there is something significant that I think we have been missing. Even though only one turned back to say thank you, they all remained healed.

I truly believe that with our human nature, particularly the nature of a woman, we have a tendency to believe we earn things based on our performance. And if it wasn't our performance that earned it, then it will be our performance that maintains it. But this story clearly indicates that's not the case. What God gives us is not dependent upon what we do or say before, during, or after receipt of said gift. He does it because He wants to. He gives unconditionally, no strings attached. And honestly, I think that's why Jesus ended His statement with not allowing our hearts be troubled or fearful. We believe we will lose things based on our response. However, that is a works based theology and we know how far that gets us.

I don't know about you, but I am really tired of feeling like I have to try so hard all the time. I believe many of us put such unrealistic expectations upon ourselves because we truly think our worth and value to others is based on what we do for them instead of just being ourselves and loving them to the best of our ability and worse yet, misapply this to God. And here's a cold, hard truth: If anyone only loves us for what we do for them, that is not a relationship. That is an unhealthy contractual agreement that can be broken at any time by either party, including us. 

My hope and prayer is that we will begin to see all the things we have been given for the season we are in as a gift. A gift meant to draw us ever closer to the heart of Jesus. And then, when that season comes to an end, we will turn to Him for comfort in our loss knowing it was for our best, and that in due time, something even more beautiful will come our way. God doesn't change like shifting shadows (James 1:17) and there is no darkness in Him (1 John 1:5). He is good all the time. Let's choose to believe that every day.