Friday, March 23, 2018

Broken Prayers

Some days are just harder than others. 

Like when someone calls crying and there is nothing you can do. 

Or when your child is hurting and you can't make it stop. 

And your friend is getting worse and you are witnessing what feels like a roller coaster ride of ups, downs, twists, turns, and screeching halts.

And you have no words and you can't pray what you think is the right way because all you want to do is scream why at the top of your lungs but you can't even get it out because you see no point.

When you've denied your own feelings for so long you are completly numb inside and you hate it but are helpless to change it.

When you want to bust out the cookies, the ice cream, and the peanut butter cups because surely there is relief in all things chocolate but you don't because you know that just creates other problems.

And so instead you wait until you are ready to get a real hug, not the one that would have been tainted by your angry heart and frustrated mind. And you choose to believe, even though there is a huge part of you that doubts, that somehow, even all of this will be worked out for good, that the story isn't over, and that relief will come. And you keep your lips shut tight because you know how far your platitudes have gotten you. And then you remember the song that you know needs to become your mantra and you take a minute to remind everyone that perfect words, and lots of them, are not the way to go.

And you leave it at that because sometimes things are hard and the way to make them better is to admit they are broken and that you can't fix them. And since you know Who can, even thought you are so tired of waiting, you can at least admit He's not only the best option, He's your only option. And He's not just okay with Broken Hallelujah's, He's also okay with Broken Prayers.

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