Thursday, February 9, 2017

Choosing Better

If you know me personally, you know that the most challenging thing for me to do is rest.  Whether I am sick, injured, or tired, I often keep going, racing to get things done, based on a deadline that doesn't actually exist.  I'm not sure how or when this incredibly unhealthy habit started.  I am also aware that it needs to stop.

Sitting at my table, I just looked up and saw my daughter's iPad.  I'm not sure if you know this (I didn't), but if you plug in an iPad to have it charge without shutting it down, that little white plug gets pretty toasty.  Maybe not 'start a fire' toasty, but enough that if you touch it, it's definitely warm.  If you shut it down while it's charing, it still gets warm, but not toasty.

Anyway, it made me think about my quiet time with God.  I love learning about Him, His ways, and what He wants from me.  But what I'm super bad at, is resting in Him.  I read with intent to learn and grow.  This is not necessarily a bad thing in itself.  But if that's all you ever do, eventually, you are probably going to overheat and not function optimally.  Between Bible studies, devotionals, books I read, people I listen to, I never just sit and read my Bible for the sheer pleasure of being with God.  It's like I'm constantly in a professional development seminar or self-improvement class.  Yes, there is a time and place for that in my life, but it shouldn't be my all consuming priority.

When I had my babies I held them constantly.  My poor husband would have to pry them from my arms when he was home from work because I always had to have them close to me.  I miss those days.  I'm sure I could attempt to do that now but (a) they'd likely crush me and (b) the teenage boy might look at me like I've lost my mind.

But I wonder if God feels this way about me?  What if He is waiting for me to just curl up next to Him as I read His word just so He can love me well?  What if this has been the missing piece all along?  I used to do this.  I would read 'all the books' to help me understand the concepts beyond my reach but then I would read His word and see His love glaring off the page.  Somehow I got so hooked on learning (shocking, I know) that I became obsessed with wanting to know and understand more.  Unfortunately, I have been neglecting the time I need to have to let Him root it deeply in my heart.

Last summer I bought a Giving Key necklace that has the word Breathe on it.  I bought it because of a song I love (Breathe by Jonny Diaz) and the breath of the four winds in Ezekiel 39.  But what just occurred to me is that the refrain in this song declares these words......"Breathe, just breathe, come and rest, at my feet."  For the girl who doesn't stop, this seems almost impossible.  But for the girl who doesn't stop, this seems to be most necessary.

And so today I resolve to slow down.  I want to open my Bible and breathe in the words that the breath of God put on those pages.  I want to come to Him and rest at His feet so He can do what He does better than anyone else:  Love me unconditionally.

Father, we live in a world that promotes more, faster, better, bigger.  But that's not a philosophy we should adopt and never one we should apply to our time with You.  Help us, especailly me, to slow down, to be in Your presence without an agenda, to let you love us unconditionally so that we can be healed and whole.  In the precious name of Jesus we ask these things, amen.

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