Closer

"You carry these babies inside of you, you keep them protected from the 

outside world for 9 months, and when they leave your body and 

enter the world, they take your heart with them." 

The other day my daughter told me her gym shoes were too small. I checked the size so I would know what to look for in the store. Much to my dismay, the 'too small' shoes were already a size 9. I came home with a 9.5 and they need to go back for a size 10. I want to cry.

My son is currently in a size 9. He has a pair of white casual sneakers that would look super cute with my capris and because he NEVER wears them I tried them on. They were just a little too big. Cue desperately needed tears.

As a parent, particularly as a mom, seeing your kids growing is heart wrenching. You carry these babies inside of you, you keep them protected from the outside world for 9 months, and when they leave your body and enter the world, they take your heart with them.

And it's not that dad's don't feel this way. I know how my husband feels now that our son is officially taller than me. And I saw the reaction on his face when I made our son show him his 'man legs' with all that dark hair. And what's worse is that this happened so fast and without my knowledge! He didn't have man legs last summer at the pool. No, that happened in the fall/winter when I couldn't see his legs. The horror I felt when I noticed it because of his now too short pajama bottoms about killed me.

To know they will eventually graduate, go to college, and not live with me, is entirely too much to think about. Ever. But the day will come and I'm not sure how I will handle it. Most likely not well.

The painful irony in all of this, is that it is probably the exact opposite of how God feels when He watches us grow. He sees our progress and increased maturity as bringing us closer to Himself and one day closer to home with Him in eternity. And He's happy about it.

But at the same time, He does fully understand how my mommy heart feels. Every day He watched Jesus grow, He knew He was that much closer to the cross. He knew why it was happening and why it had to be that way, but I am certain it probably didn't make it any easier for that day to approach. I can only imagine the bittersweet emotions He experienced as He saw the different prophecies being fulfilled. The milestones that marked one step closer to picking up wooden beams.

As we prepare for Easter this weekend, I pray that we would not only realize the magnitude of what Jesus did for us dying on the cross, but that we would also see it from a parental perspective, and realize that in God's great love for us, He was willing to sacrifice His Son. All so He could watch us grow until we can go home to Him.

Father, I don't know how You did it. I can barely handle increased shoe sizes and changes in physical appearance. Help me to live a life that reflects the gratitude in my heart for what You did out of love for me. Amen.