Wednesday, January 24, 2018


At the suggestion of a friend, I picked up a copy of The Road Back to You by Cron and Stabile. I have known for years that my Myers-Briggs letters are INFJ, but this whole enneagram thing was a place I hadn't ventured. I can tell you with unwavering certainty that as much as I know I am an INFJ, I am solid two. And reading the "What it's like to be a two" list had me myself.

One trait listed says: Sometimes it is hard for me to watch movies because I find it almost unbearable to see people suffer. Just so you know, I am the girl who thinks Star Wars, with the prequels, is a tragic love story. I actually posted this on Facebook a few days ago.

All I can see is a guy who wanted to do good, got duped by somebody evil, lost the
woman he loved, the best friend he created, doesn't recognize his own kids and dies 
without any sort of redemption or restoration. It's just heartbreaking and I can't see 
beyond his loss. I know that no one else probably sees it this way, but this is what 
it's like to live in my head. 

This is also why: Zack and Kelly's break-up on Saved by the Bell, Sheldon and Amy's season ending break-up on The Big Bang Theory, and Ross and Rachel's break-up on Friends nearly killed me. I can not deal with relational dysfunction when it is so clearly based on mis-understandings that were not properly communicated.

What's also interesting about this new information is that it has made me begin to wonder if this is why I do not confront things from my past ~ or express my feelings well in the present ~ if I was hurt by the words, thoughts, or actions of others. Do I avoid discussing it ~ because just like the suffering of people in a fictional movie or sitcom is too much ~ is it too much to think that my honesty could inflict any kind of pain on someone I love deeply?

I don't think it's a coincidence that this information is coming up as I am reading three books that are challenging me in numerous ways. What's noteworthy is that the common themes seem to be the lies of the enemy and the fact that I am in desperate need of a new mind and purified heart.

I don't know how much of what I've been sharing over the past couple of weeks has been sounding uncomfortably familiar, but what I do know is that none of this will be left unresolved because God sees through to completion what He begins.....even when there are parts of us that want to run and hide from the process.

My hope though is that through each of our journeys, we'll not only see a bit of ourselves in ways we maybe had not yet perceived, but also realize the riches of God's glorious grace to give us others to take this difficult walk with. We were never meant to face these things alone. Maybe it's time we quit isolating ourselves and be really honest about what's going on deep down inside.

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