Thursday, June 22, 2017

All The Needs

I have a super hard time spending money on myself. Even if it's something I need, I struggle. This past Christmas was the first time that I can honestly recall that the money I was given as gifts I spent it on myself. (not quite all of it, but most of it) It's always been used for things that the kids needed. And I'd be lying if I said there haven't been moments of guilt since that time. Mind you, I didn't spend any of it on frivolous things. Everything was either something I needed or was purchasing to help me be better. (Lara Casey's PowerSheets are a nothing short of the work of God.) But still the guilt has loomed.

And while I could have saved it and had it for the little things that have come up, God always knows exactly what you need and can find the most unique ways to bless you with it just because He can and He wants to. It has nothing to do with anything you've done to earn it, He just likes to do it to love on us because we're His kids.

For example, at Easter I was almost out of mascara. Now mascara is not a crazy expensive item (at least the kind I use) but I still didn't want to buy it until the last possible moment. And then I got a phone call about Easter dinner and was asked if I would use the gift with purchase mascara that my aunt had that she wasn't going to use. Why yes, as a matter of fact I would. Mascara, as a gift from God, given through the hands of my aunt.

Then today, I was talking with a friend about an upcoming wedding and my frustration in finding a dress for our daughter. Sure the stores have sundresses if you're going to a picnic, but a dress for a wedding? Not so much. We ended up talking sizes and the next thing I know I am leaving her house with 8 dresses that her daugther has outgrown. All are beautiful and perfect for my baby girl. Our new dilemma will be figuring out which one she wants to wear and when she'll be able to wear the rest because she said to just keep them or give them away!

Most of my life has been marked by a scarcity mentality. We always had enough growing up, but not the extras. We had a great childhood, one I wouldn't trade for the world, but that leaves a mark for sure. In Playing With Fire Bianca Olthoff writes, "Growing up poor inevitably poses the danger that you will live the rest of your life with a scarcity mentality, a chronic fear of not having enough and holding on too tightly to what you do have." Yep, she is absolutely right. But here's the much as I'm afraid there might not be enough, God never runs out of anything because He is unlimited in His love and resources. And in His limitless love and resources, He promises to give us whatever we need. Even mascara or a dress.

While you might be tempted to think these examples are small and insignificant, let me assure you that if you need it, God is aware of it and He's working on it. Small, medium, large, or huge. And He never once promised to meet our needs in advance, but rather at just the right time. (The wedding is next weekend.) And slowly but surely, we're going to learn to trust Him. Because the reality is, just like if we prove faithful with little we can be trusted with much, He's teaching us that if we can learn to trust Him with the little, when the really big, scary, and unexpected much comes, we can trust Him then, too.

Father, the tangible ways You manage to show Yourself blows my mind. You never once are blind to our struggles, our needs, or our hopes and dreams. Remove from us the fear that You can't, won't, or aren't able to meet any need we will ever have. The truth is You care about us and whatever it is that is weighing heavily on our hearts and minds because we are Yours. As you grow our faith and confidence in You as provider, we will give You every ounce of glory and shout out Your praises. We love You. Amen.

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