Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Where the Rope Ends

Romans 8:32 tells me that He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?

That's a pretty good qusetion; and one I happen to be really lousy at answering. You would think that for all the music I listen to that reminds me of the truth of God's love, I wouldn't be so apt to forgetting the answer. But I do. A lot. And you would also think that with God's past record of faithfulness I would trust Him considerably more. But I don't. 

The scariest part of trust is that it means you are willing to relinquish control. I am a first born, type A control freak. Doing this isn't exactly easy. While the majority of the plans I've made have failed, I have not failed in micromanaging every variable in the equation up to the point of total chaos. Obviously that should be red flag as to my management abilities and a clear indication of my inability to let go.

But the thing is, my relationship with God only has room for one person to be in the driver's seat. And He doesn't need me riding shotgun shooting at all the things that scare me. And He doesn't need me as a backseat driver alerting Him to stop signs, yield signs, traffic lights, or turn signals. (at least those are the things that drive my husband crazy) What He would probably prefer is me in the rear-facing back seat of mid 80's station wagon watching how much ground He's covered. And if I was in that seat, I'd be constantly staring at all the things He's graciously given.

They say that when you get to the end of your rope, you are at the beginning of God's. Right about now I feel like I am hanging on by a frayed thread that is about to snap. I am so tired of trying to make it all work myself because clearly I'm not very good at it. And for all the groundwork He has laid over the last couple of months, the least I can do is cooperate and just hold out my hand believing He won't let me fall. Because the reality is I fell a long time ago and He did pick me up. My job now is to just rest in His hands instead of trying to jump out.

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