When I strolled through the library on Sunday to pick up a movie for my 13 year old, I hit the jackpot in Lucky Day. While you can only check out 2 at a time, there were 4 I wanted. I went back and forth on a few but looking at each movie's length, I narrowed my choices to the best options. I left with Jackie starring Natalie Portman and Collateral Beauty starring Helen Mirren. (Yes, I know Will Smith is the main character, but I love Helen Mirren so she gets top billing from me.)
I thought on Sunday night we would all watch Jackie. Unfortunately the less than enthusiastic response I got from the people I carried, nurtured, and birthed, said otherwise. Needless to say, I acted like a two year old, pouted horribly, and went to bed really early. Not exactly my finest mothering moment.
As I get ready to see Beauty and the Beast today, it occurred to me that I have stark contrasts in my behavior from one day to the next. I think we all do. It just so happens that my toddler like tendancies reared their ugly head very recently and in close proximity to such an understandable analogy. While I am certainly not proud of the less than mature behavior I displayed Sunday night and Monday morning, I am mature enough to admit my faults and shortcomings. Because it's only when I can name it and claim it, that I can be forgiven of it.
I do know better than to act like that. I do know that it proves nothing, leaves everyone unhappy (especially me), and does nothing to show the love of Christ. But regardless of how much I try to act like Beauty in most situations, I am just human with flaws, imperfections, and a host of inadequacies. And like Paul, I know what I want to do and should do, but instead I do what I hate. (Romans 7:15)
And so dear friend, I leave you with this. God never asked you to be perfect. He knows you can't be the perfect wife, mother, and friend at all times. He knows that you will have moments when you act like a spoiled child because you didn't get your way. And His love for you is big enough, His grace for you is sufficient enough, and His mercy in your weakness is steadfast enough, to restore the Beast in you back to the Beauty that He always sees.
Father, the grace you show when you take the time to reveal what I need to see, even when it's not pretty, is something I treasure. Because even though no discipline is pleasant at the time it is given, it is always for my benefit. Thank you for loving me enough to restore me the beauty you want me to reflect to the world. Amen.