Held

"If I am praying every morning that I will be filled to the measure of all the 

fullness of God, either I believe He's doing it or I don't."

Most of my life has been filled with the fear of speed. I don't even know if that's really a thing or not, but it has always been a part of me. I would constantly use my breaks going down a hill on my bike, I would put myself in the grass to slow down on roller skates, I will throw myself off a sled into the snow, I can not stand being on highways, the only time I went skiing I had brusises on my thighs that lasted a month, and putting me on a roller coaster for the thrill of it is pointless because my eyes are glued shut on every hill. I have generally not let the fear stop me from the doing, but it has completely removed all of the enjoying.

Yesterday I watched a curriculum video that showed a woman riding a bike on a country road with her arms out to the side for balance. I remember seeing boys in the neighborhood doing that as a kid and judging them for incredible amounts of stupidity and foolishness. In my mind, riding with your hands not on the handle bars is the equivalent to throwing yourself off a cliff believing that God is going to save you. Not that He can't, but Jesus declared we are not to put the Lord our God to the test so why even attempt it.

But inside me, as I watched, was jealously. To see someone that free, with her hair flowing in the breeze, the sun shining on her face, and a look of complete calm was beyond anything I have ever experienced. How do you even get to that point? Is it even possible to maintain that as a lifestyle?

This moring my devotional talked about the leadership of Moses and his key to success. He knew that without God he was not capable of leading anyone, and until God agreed to send His presence with them, Moses was staying put. 

Reading this account makes me seriously question my hesitation to step out into what God calls me to do. No, I don't have audible back and forth conversations with God the way Moses did to reassure me of His proximity, but I do have a deposit guaranteeing my inheritance that is meant to remind me of all the things Jesus has taught me. And if I remember correctly, Immanuel does mean God with us, including me. If I am praying every morning that I will be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God, either I believe He's doing it or I don't.

I don't want my fear, worry, and concerns to stop me from living out the life He planned for me. And the longer I hold on to those handle bars, the harder it will be to let go of them. He's never once asked me to do anything in my own strength, or sent me out by myself just to report back at the end of the day. Perhaps it's time I realize that even though I can't physically see Him holding me up, I have to accept that His right hand always has a grip on mine.

Father, help me to remember that You are always with me because for some reason, I keep forgetting. Thank you for the visual reminder yesterday, and the verbal reminder today, that You never leave me, You will never forsake me, and that when Your presence goes with me, You also give me rest. Amen.