Speed of Light

When I first became a Christian, I went into the local Christian book store, and found a devotional called 90 Days to a Heart Like His. I had not a clue who this author was. As a matter of fact, I had to do a web search to find out. And no, it wasn't a google search, because at that particular time, google was not the place to find all the answers like it is now. As I look back on that memory, I could have never guessed in a million years how picking up that one book would impact the rest of my life.

When I googled the name Beth Moore, I ended up finding Life Today with Betty and James Robison. Because I found that tv show, I found Wednesday's with Beth. Because I found Wednesday's with Beth, I found out that for her personnal 'in the beginning' she prayed that God would give her a love for His word unlike any other. Because I desperately wanted to have what I saw in her but could not verbally identify it, I prayed the same thing. Day after day after day. God answered that prayer. Oh how He answered that prayer.

While I still fan-girl over Beth, I have added heroes of the Bible to my fan-girl database. Of course there are the obvious ones like Mary, David, and Jeremiah, but there are also the less obvious ones, like the ones that got added today.  Their name? Guys with the mats. As much as I have thought (in a godly way) that I want to be like Beth Moore, I want to be these guys so much more.

Two men, one in Mark 2 and the other in John 5, had physical disabilities that prohibited them from walking. Both men were given access to Jesus. Both men believed Jesus could heal them. Both men were healed by Jesus and both men were told to take up their mats and either go home or walk.  AND THEY DID IT.

I do not admire them for their faith, I am not envious of their healing. I am blown away by their action. Seriously, mic dropped, how did they do that, action.

When I spend my time with Jesus daily, He speaks to me so clearly on things that I need to do. I pray for Him to give me that spirit of wisdom and revleation to open my eyes to all the things because I desperately want to live my life in a way that honors and glorifies Him. But for as much revelation as He gives me, for as much conviction as there is in my heart to do what He says, the action part feels like it is seriously lacking. 

But what if that's just my perception or the whispers of Satan telling me I'm not doing enough? What if I really have started the doing, one small step at a time, but I think I should be further than I am because I want to go at the speed of Jenn and not the speed of Light? Am I brave enough to believe that Jesus is continually working out the miracle in me that He started and will see through to completion?

When I think back to praying that God would give me a love of His word, I can see how that love has grown bigger and stronger than I would have thought possible. So maybe instead of keeping my eyes fixed on what I see as a far too distant finish line, I need to keep them solidly on the author and perfecter of my faith. 

Jesus, Your patience with me is something I will never be able to match. I expect so much of myself that You have never asked of me. Perfection is not your agenda and performance does not earn Your love. Help me to go at Your pace trusting and believing that the refining is happening even when it seems to me that I am still stuck on my mat. Remind me how far You've brought me and strengthen my faith to know You aren't going to just leave me here.  Amen.