This is how I feel sometimes. Satan comes with his accusations, dragging up painful things of the past, and just starts throwing his fiery darts my direction. And sometimes it seems like no matter what truth I throw his way, he just keeps coming at me from different angles and I can't deflect them quickly enough.
But when what's over and fogiven isn't forgotten, it almost seems impossible to extinguish those arrows permanently. Especially when you have memorial stones that remind you of God's faithfulness. It's easy to want to focus on all of the good, but when fear starts creeping in, it overtakes you and leaves you gasping for air.
And so you do the only thing you can do. You breathe in God's breath from the pages of Scripture in hopes of performing a holy kind of CPR. You inhale deeply as much as your lungs can hold and try desperately to push all of the toxic air out from your lungs. You do this again and again and again so that the lies and fear will quit poisoning your mind. And sometimes you recover quickly and sometimes you need to wear an oxygen mask to keep things steady.
There is not a single one of us that can predict with 100% accuracy when the arrows will fly. It seems to me that the more you are walking with Jesus, and the more desperate you are to get better, the greater the frequency. And I would suppose that each time that flicker of flame grazes against my unprotected flesh, a refining is happening, and the ashes will be turned into beauty, and I will need to perform another round of that holy CPR. Because the truth remains that Jesus is the only one keeping my heart beating, continually putting air into my lungs, and bringing these dry bones back to life.
Father, a million times we have heard forgive and forget. But if we forget, it means we will also lose the reminders of Your faithfulness in the valleys we have come through. And so we thank You for the lifeline that is Your word. I pray that we would always immediately run to You for shelter and trust that the pain is a part of the refining process that makes us cling desperately to You. Amen.