This morning I woke up with a song playing in my mind. This used to happen much more frequently than it does now so I try to pay particular attention when it does. After the past few days of posts, the song, combined with what I read this morning, shouldn't come as a surprise.
The event that has shaped my life for the last several years left its mark. While the wounds closed, the bruises remained and stayed tender to the touch. A lot of that was because I needed to be really honest with myself about how it affected me and to be quite frank, I didn't want to face how it changed my perception of reality. Things were different and I didn't want to accept that. And while God had brought a signficant amount of good and outrageous blessings through it that I would never change, there was a part of me that held on to labels that were unhealthy.
Acts 10:15 says, Do not call anything impure that God has made clean. When I read that this morning I felt a deep conviction. I had allowed so many good things in the past to become tainted by what happened. It colored, shaded, and distorted everything because it now had an accessory that was all I could see. Everything was measured against something that was never meant to be a measuring stick.
In the past few days God has taken so much of this and given me a new perspective. He used the words of another to not only correct my wayward thoughts, but He has reminded me personally, that even before I knew I needed Him to be at work, He clearly was. And while Hillary Scott's lyrics to Still remind me that God is moving mountains I don't even see, it's Danny Gokey's lyrics to Tell Your Heart to Beat Again show me that I have to let the shadows fall away and actively step into the light of grace.
I will never understand God's ways and why He chooses the things He does to get our attention when He chooses them, but I will forever be grateful that He is patient with me until I am ready to get a glimpse of the glory He is revealing through even the most unrequested circumstances. And now, instead of letting my memories remain tainted, I am seeing them restored to their intended beauty: a place where I can see all the little ways God was at work before I ever became aware of His active presence.
Lord, Your relentless pursuit of my heart is another display of Your unconditional love. You have repaired so much of what the locusts have eaten and You still aren't done. You will redeem and restore every bit of it, because that's not only what You do, it's what You have promised. Thank You for always working on my behalf, even when I wasn't able to acknowledge that You were there. You have never left or forsaken me and You never will. Amen.
If any of the past few days posts have reasonated with you, I'd like to leave you with a resource that helped me tremendously at the beginning of this very long journey.
Please go to: lproof.org (Beth Moore's website), click on the link for the store. Select the audio link and scroll to free downloads. Download and listen to Jeremiah's Eat, Pray Love sessions 1, 2, and 3 and let God start to plow that unplowed ground. While your journey may be difficult, I promise you that every valley you find yourself in will draw you closer to the heart of God, and that the glimpses you will get from the mountain tops along the way will make it all worth it.